7 Minute Muscle
I know…the title just rocks, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not just a clever marketing gimmick, like “6 Minute Abs”. Remember, you can always beat that with “5 Minute Abs”, but that joke is taken…some Adam Sandler movie, I think. Or is it his infinitely more talented cinematic doppleganger Ben Stiller? Ah, you get the point.
Looky…here’s the pretty cover:
Let me tell you why this is a blog and not a sales pitch…really…keep reading…you can do it…click the ‘more’ link, for cryin’ ou…
…that’s better.
Why is this a blog? Well, two reasons.
Scratch that…make it three.
First, I want all of you to be nice and join the 7 Minute Muscle newsletter list. That way you’ll know when this book is going to be released, and afterwards you’ll get freebie Jacko about Power7 Density Training™, the system used in 7 Minute Muscle that I developed over the past several years.
Subscribe for free here:
The 7 Minute Muscle Freebie Site
It’s sounding like a sales pitch…but there’s nothing to sell yet, so…it’s not. Plus, I’m still on number one.
Second, (that’s number two of my three reasons this is a blog) and let me phrase this in a typical Bingoesque ever-so-gentle, politically correct fashion…
I’M GETTING *#(&@! - ING BLISTERS ON MY FINGERS.
Golly, that was an obnoxious line of code.
Here the list: Jon’s Top 3 Questions Received On A Daily Basis:
- When is 7 Minute Muscle going to come out? I mean, it’s like been…what…almost a freakin’ YEAR now? What’s your problem? You can blog and write 6,000 words a day and you can’t finish this damn book? Are you some sort of retard or…oh, sorry. I get it. You’re like one of those really busy people and you want to make the book a “classic” rather than a 50-page clip on Power7. Got it. Well, I guess that makes more sense…but COME ON…I like need that book! Have I mentioned it’s been a fornicating YEAR?? Still…well, okay…thanks for making it good and stuff…research? Really? You’re actually quoting studies? Footnotes? Geez…that’s not like you. Wow. Now I’m going to badger you even more…when WHEEEENNNN DAMN YOU!!!
- Do you take steroids?
- How much do you bench?
Now, a few things. That first question is a bit edited from the norm, but again, you get the point. It’s now in my inbox multiple times every day. That’s really cool — I’m totally flattered and very excited about the release of the book. Still, I wanted you guys to know what the delay is for. That’s one reason for this blog — it’s a referral blog to the dozens of emails. See? I’m thinking here…I can hook them on my witticism and answer their questions with a mere drop of mouse. God, I’m smart.
Also, conspicuously missing from that list (sadly, might I add), are things like, “What are you doing tonight, handsome?”, or “Are you really single? Wow!”. Hmmm….and, “So, that’s legal in only 19 countries?” Stuff like that.
Yeah. I need a life.
Oh, alright. I have a ‘life’…I just need more hottie females with I.Q.s over 140 to notice that I am indeed living.
The other questions are the easy ones:
“No.”
“I have no idea.”
There. Now everyone is happy.
Okay, my reason number three for this being an official ‘blog’: you do not need to spend an hour in the gym to gain muscle. Period. End of story. Absolutely the honest-to-buddha truth. Really really really.
In fact, you ‘can’ spend seven minutes (that’s the time of that your muscles are actually under tension…not the time it takes you to drive to the gym, change, warm-up, shower afterwards, and stop by Smoothie King. However, if you can pull all of that off in seven minutes, let me know.) Still, even factoring that all in, you can cut your gym time in half or less using Power7, covered in 7 Minute Muscle.
When I created this Frankenstenien (new word) approach to density and volume training, I found that after about 7 minutes I ‘could’ stop. For bodybuilders (we folk who dig overtraining), I have a special super-duper 21-minute protocol….but I don’t advise it long-term.
I also found I was out of the gym before most everyone else was done with their freakin’ ab workout. Funny stuff — these guys are laughing while I’m the one gaining muscle. Quite dense, these gym folk.
Now, here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna start giving you some time-savers for your workouts. I’m not going to give away the farm and re-write 7 Minute Muscle on a freakin’ blog. Sorry…I’m not that stupid.
Still, this will help get you started and primed for…ta-da!
The release of 7 Minute Muscle in late February, or early March.
There you go. It only took 600 words to answer your question. But, I bet you had fun reading the answer, so subscribe to my blog for the sake of all humanity already.
Oh, if I push it back, I’ll let you know.
Gee…I sound like Bill Gates! Except for that “I’ll let you know” bit. {10}
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Comments (32)
Paul said:
Hi Jon,
I am a overtrainer ..have been for years. After gleaning the web..particularly the C.Bass site..I have been doing less and acheiving WAY more.. Been walking more than running. It’s hard to beleive. I look forward to your new book…don’t rush it..get it out when you can.
Paul
Posted on Jan 24, 2006 12:22 PM
Greg said:
Bing-eity,
So how much do you bench press?
And is that before or after you do the stereoids?
;) ————— (signifies that the preceding was humorous)
Seriously, you might want to stay away from them 140s. They just make you watch public television and stuff. Get you a 90 or 100. They’re smart enough to read Betty Crocker, and they won’t mind watching “Something About Mary” four times a month.
:) ————— (“LOL”)
Seriously, I can’t wait for 7MM to come out. Actually, yes, I can wait, because I have to. And you said so. But I’ll be waiting with my fidgety hands trapped under my squirming butt.
Why?
Because I wanted to start another paragraph for dramatic purposes, that’s why.
And beacuse I’m new to this whole exercise thing, as you know. I’m pretty much weaned from the machines but there’s so much to learn, and so many thousands of places claiming they’re the best source of knowledge. Right now I’m sticking to Bill Pearl, who has some dandy beginner routines set up on his web site. But I feel more comfortable getting advice from those I can observe who get results, and get them efficiently.
There have been times when I’ve been tempted to approach one of the SuperGlutes who hang around in front of the mirrors at my Phytness Center and ask, “Say pal, how’d you get them big biceptuals? From whence cometh the bulging bulbospongious?”
But then I look again at their massive, sweaty bodies and am reminded of prison yards and unpleasant Greco-Roman wrestling events, and walk away. Left to my own devices.
I suppose I could hire one of the Phytness Center’s “Personal Trainers,” but I also suppose I could buy a copy of Kevin Trudeau’s “Natural Cures” and believe every word of it.
Yes, Bingo, we’re counting on you. Take your time with 7MM. Make sure it’s as good as it can be. Don’t cut any corners. Steady as she goes.
But hurry the f*ck up before I pop a teste due to poor form in my routine!
;) ————— (half an LOL)
Posted on Jan 24, 2006 01:10 PM
Tammy said:
What are you doing tonight handsome? Are you REALLY single? Thanks for giving me permission to ask. And my IQ is whatever you want it to be….
I am really psyched for 7 Minute Muscle as I have complete faith in you that it really works. Imagine the excuses people would have to come up with when they no longer can say they “don’t have enough time”! You are a genius!
Posted on Jan 24, 2006 04:24 PM
Alyson said:
Bingo, is this a lesson in how rewarding the delay of gratification can be? Making us wait? Hmmmm……? Building anticipation until BUDDHA-DAMN the release? whew….sorry. Got a little worked up there :)
I’ve been experimenting with my own 8x8 volume training routines. Short. Sweet. Intense. But definitely takes me longer than 7 minutes. Looking forward to hearing what the research shows….
Be careful Greg….some of them thar ‘140s’ like to hang out in gyms, instead of watching the boob tube, pushing dumbbells around…better not get too close ;)
And surely our beloved Bingo would tire quickly of a 90-100. Where’s the challenge in that? I’m not saying how QUICKLY he’d get tired, but tired he would eventually get.
Right Bingo? RIGHT?!?! HELLLOOOooooooo…
Posted on Jan 24, 2006 09:10 PM
Jon Benson said:
Alyson….I live in Dallas.
Dallas, Texas.
If you show me a 140 who lifts, weighs 20 pounds less than her I.Q., single and 30ish who lives here, in the land of the vapid residue of lovely but mentally-challenged estrogen dumps, I’ll renounce my faith.
100s would be a blessing. They do make good luffas, however.
Posted on Jan 24, 2006 09:25 PM
Alyson said:
YIKES!! Well then, ye’d better be moving thine holier-than-most-behind, lest ye risk diluting thy divine gene-pool!!! ;)
Posted on Jan 25, 2006 07:16 AM
Greg said:
Dance Dance Bingo!
Since West Virginia will be using the videogame “Dance Dance Revolution” in its schools to help fight obesity (see today’s AP article), wouldn’t it make sense for Bingo, Inc. to do the same for the wealthy and totally corrupt DISD?
All one would need to do is take a few routines from the forthcoming and eagerly-anticipated 7 Minute Muscle, lose the equipment, set it to music and tape away! (You’d have to hire some unemployed coders from id software to make a game of it, but they work cheap). Of course you’d have to wear sequined shorts (a lá Richard Simmons in his seminal work “Dance Your Pants Off”), but hey… umm, can’t think of any upside to that actually.
Every school in the district could buy the package. Think of all the plump, disadvantaged students just melting the pounds away. It would almost be like Swift’s “Modest Proposal”! And if it was a big hit, the program could be marketed to Garland, Pleasant Grove, Wilmer-Hutchins (oops, skip that one), Lewisville and so on, then on to the Houston area and then nationally!
I’m just full of ideas today! Must be from all the extra energy that this double-dose of Xenical has given me!
Posted on Jan 25, 2006 09:00 AM
Jon Benson said:
Greggo —
My Buddha man…what would the Baptist Church think of such a sinful recommendation?
You know that they frown on fornication as well…’cause it leads to dancing.
Can’t have that.
(Just poking fun at all your Baptists out there…oh, wait. I lost you guys about a month ago. Anyway…pass that on to a Baptist friend…)
Dancing is great exercise, and starting at such an early age would do wonders for the white man’s sense of rhythm. The overbite…well, that’s genetic.
I’m all for getting kids to move — but movement is only (literally) 1/4 the problem. It’s 3/4 nutrition, folks…always has been, always will be. Jack Laaaaalllaaaaane is flat out wrong about “exercise being king” unless you train like he does — 2 hours every day. Then, perhaps, you could eat like a Queen and get gout like me.
However, Jack is also a diehard veggie.
So, seems his Queen is about to take his King (oops)…or at least his Bishop. That may be hard as the Bishop prefers boys, but….(OHHHH…golly, he went there…OHHHHH)
Bottom line: the kids must stop eating fries and Coke for lunch every day, or all the movement in the world won’t help. Well, maybe ALL the movement, but not a dance class.
Consider this: in one hour of ‘intense’ exercise, you’ll burn about 350-450 calories….or, about 1/2 a nice size bagel.
Gee…what’s more effective? Nuking that whole bagel and making that a half-hour or 40 minutes of moderate exercise or….
Posted on Jan 25, 2006 09:54 AM
Greg said:
I was just kidding about the Dance Dance Bingo game, of course, but what you said reinforced a much-needed lesson for me: I’ve been concentrating on nailing down the right exercise routine but I need to spend just as much time and energy on the nutrition, if not more.
Case in point: The last three weeks have been spent trying to shed 1-2 lbs, the same weight comes and goes no matter how much I step up the reps. Then I figured out why: I’ve been drinking a lot of 100% pomegranate and blueberry juices for the antioxidants. I inspected the labels a bit more closely and, guess what, they’re natural…and naturally loaded with sugars. So I cut back on the juices and the lbs. went bye-bye. I’m re-reading the nutrition section of FoF.
As far as the school lunch program, my son is in junior high and it’s absolutely criminal to know what they serve in the lunchrooms. We get online access so we can check up on his meals, it’s fried “chicken nuggets”, fried “cheese” sticks and Gatorade every day, sometimes some French fries. He’s starting to see the light, though, talking about packing his own lunch (despite the “nerd” or “gay” connotations that has in the jr. high social realm).
All those school nutitionists and dietitians and meal-planners should be forced to eat their own product for a week, then be sent packing to Cooper for an intensive refresher.
Posted on Jan 25, 2006 10:32 AM
Cherie said:
Greg-I did the fruit-juice-debauchery myself. Ignorance is bliss (love that cold fruit J) untill you get that wake-up call. I’m currently having mega thankfulness that my diet is working. Amazing what actually closely following my M-Power diet will do!
About that IQ…
I married my husband partially for his brain (and a few other things), He tells me that he married me in part because I think like a guy (do I get added IQ points for that?)
But I’d have to say…
when we dance together, you’d be hard pressed to think we had greater than 180 between us :)
Posted on Jan 25, 2006 03:13 PM
Paul said:
Hi Greg,
By the looks of the nutritionists , meal planners etc. They are happily eating their own recomendations.
As you know having and raising kids is no day in the park. The peer pressure to eat crappy food is a definite problem. We try to strike a balance with our kids letting them eat some junk along with the carrot sticks, whole wheat sandwich etc. It seems so many parents have bought the whole ball of wax and buy all the cutesy/packaged foods (so called food). Either that or give money to buy chips and a coke.
In the end as a parent you hope that they learn from example and have learned good eating habits as they grow up. And I’m happy to say they do eat pretty cleanly.
Neither of my kids are ready to take a lunch to school like their Dad’s. A cup of rice and a can of sardines…cottage cheese and barley…I’m trying.
Paul
Posted on Jan 25, 2006 07:59 PM
Teri said:
Dumb question, perhaps, but it sounds as if you must belong to or have access to a commercial gym to take advantage of this program. Is there a version that can be used at home? Thanks!
Posted on Jan 26, 2006 10:24 AM
Lissa!!! said:
I start my competion diet Feb 1….Mpower has helped me tremdously to get my head ready for this…and I cant wait for the journey….also cant wait for 7MM!!! I tried my own version with the help of Mpower. supersets, tri sets drop sets….yowza!!! I am sore…and actually loving it….keep up the great work Jon
Posted on Jan 26, 2006 06:06 PM
Clare said:
Hey Jon,guys,
I’m back. Glad to see you’re travelling better, than when I last checked in, Jon.
Here we have healthy eating canteens at school. A parent’s lobby thing I believe. The canteen lady won’t even sell you a pack of chips until you’ve had something better to eat. No free food here, kids generally take their own.
I’ve just read the first Scale the World. Great stuff. Beautifully written. Are you published off the net? I’ve been off line in Queensland, no computer or net, as my mother in law wanted her lap top in hospital. She collapsed at the airport on her way to us, was whisked off to hospital, where she stayed 2 weeks waiting for heart surgery. I told her God had arranged for her to collapse at the litigious rich atmosphere of an airport so they HAD to take her to hospital. She wanted to get on the next bus home. So of course I spent the holiday driving the 2 hours in and out of hospital, cheering her up, getting her through that awful first day after surgery, seeing her out of intensive care. I ‘m back home now. Unfortunately she had to be put on a respirator again last night, but is off it again. She’s a great lady, scholar, teacher, social worker and now Anglican priest, still taking services at 81. We hope this gives her another 20 years,which her family women routinely enjoy.
I did have her cool laptop for a short while though, and got to hear you on M-power. lovely voice, lovely work.
One less screen in the house had another advantage, I banned tv for most of daylight hours, and my boys learnt to play cricket. THis had been too slow a game for my clinically hyperative lad Morgan. He used to bat and field at the same time, would have bowled as well if he could of worked out how to be at the other end of the pitch to hit it.
Looking forward to my first bike ride, if I could just dodge the monsoon.
Posted on Jan 29, 2006 08:11 AM
Clare said:
Y’know Jon,
on the Dallas Lady front, have you really given it a chance? By your own admission, you work the weirdest very long hours, so when can you socialise when the average person might also be available? actually awake? Perhaps you could try breaking out of your routine, relaxing in a park in daylight hours or something. Or stop putting so many conditions on the lady not yet met, and taking the plunge on seeing someone you wouldn’t usually consider.All those constructs in your mind may be worse than blinkers. Generally I just think these things just happen, with a little propinquity. My in laws met at 38(her ) and 44(him) both confirmed batchelors. She was offered a job in another state, and he said No you’re not you’re going to marry me. And so she did. A week later.They went on to have 4 boys under five.
so here’s to happy endings!
Posted on Jan 29, 2006 08:35 AM
Clare said:
Last post I swear.
A friend has not lost an ounce despite very regular cardio. I found that a side effect of one of his medications(Avanza) was inability to lose weight. Also diagnosed with fatty liver, which I understand impedes weight loss. So can anything be done? Dashed discouraging, as you can imagine.
Posted on Jan 29, 2006 08:38 AM
Jon Benson said:
To Lisa:
Thanks! Kudos on your progress as well girl.
To Clare:
I really do appreciate that, Clare. As a writer (both serious and not-so-serious), it’s always great to hear something moved someone.
I’ve been published as a poet in a small journal and as a co-author of a comedy book, but never anything else except for my own e-books and so-forth. It’s a goal of mine, but it’s behind the goal of actually writing good stuff. : )
Now, how you can write this with your mother’s condition — well, that just screams out to me someone interested in living every moment.
That’s not because you complimented ‘me’ — it’s because you noticed ‘anything’ but the obvious pain of your immediate surroundings. Something tells me you take it all in, and that is rare. That is beautiful.
Your mom and your family continues to be in my thoughts.
Jon
P.S. I grew up here, so I can say with absolute certitude that I have given this more than anyone dared give it. Trust me — it’s the egg as consequence of the chicken. I work the hours I do ‘because’. That, and other reasons. I could write novels on the subject. Some of the stories most would not believe. It’s that…strange. : )
P.P.S. Milk thistle, a liver cleanse, and focus on nutrition and weights rather than cardio. Consider this: an hour of cardio = a bagel. Wonder why it fails to work…
Posted on Jan 29, 2006 10:03 PM
Elizabeth said:
Colon cleanse - liver cleanse - I hate to ask what’s next?!? I’ve lived through my first week of torture - er - colon cleanse. I survived the embarrassment of needing to abruptly leave the room multiple times a day, I didn’t dare run outside all week for fear of needing to “go” 3 miles from the nearest facility. I finally broke down and ran 8 yesterday (BEFORE taking the daily psyllium) and I finished the run without incident. I haven’t researched liver cleansing. I’ll do that today. Perhaps that will be my next step in this ongoing saga “The pursuit of perfect health” - LOL - you guys are “killing” me!
Posted on Jan 30, 2006 05:12 AM
Clare said:
Well! waiting for Ms Forlani I see!
Posted on Jan 30, 2006 07:30 AM
Joe said:
Jon,
You know my b-day is in March. I think this would be a most appropriate gift. ;)
Just playing..I will make my girlfriend buy it for me!! BWAAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted on Jan 30, 2006 10:04 PM
Joe said:
Greg…about Bill Pearl….He has an awesome book called “Keys to the inner universe”. You want more ideas. This book is chocked full of em. I got it online for about $29.99. Just gotta google it up.
Posted on Jan 30, 2006 10:07 PM
Greg said:
Joe,
I plan on getting the book. Pearl is endorsed by just about everyone in the business, including Our Bingo. I’m on Month Two of his online plan, and really seeing results.
Naturally, I’ll have to abandon the plan once 7 Minute Steak, er, 7 Minute Muscle comes out.
Posted on Jan 31, 2006 07:31 AM
Elisa said:
Elizabeth you are hilarious!
I thought about the whole colon cleanse thing but my miles are shooting up again in preparation for the marathon so I can’t afford to miss them for fear of having to swerve off the trail in search of a toilet. Then again, I don’t know if there will ever be a “good” time for something like that. Colon cleanse just sounds so….harsh!
How do you feel as a result? Is it making a difference (apart from the abrupt exits and such)?
I know, all of this healthy stuff seems to sort of be tough in the beginning for sure….;-)
Posted on Jan 31, 2006 08:41 PM
Elisa said:
JON! I feel like I am waiting in line for concert tickets! I can’t wait for this. I know I’ve been personally bugging you for 7 Minute Muscle for a while now. I will anxiously but patiently await the release. Ok, sort of patiently….
Totally off topic here. I’ve wondered for a bit now, if Dallas, TX doesn’t really have the sort of women you’re interested in and you use the internet and phone to make a living could you not move? I know you love NYC and I am QUITE certain there are many women there whose IQs crest 140 and who are very worldly. On the other hand NY women are tougher than most - they have to be I suppose but I think it might make a better “hunting” ground for the future Mrs. Benson.
Or another city where it’s a bit more cultured….
Why not move? Do you have obligations in Tejas that make it necessary to stay? Sorry if I am getting too personal but it seems a shame that you have to keep fishing in the same small barrel for the same small fish or vacuous fish or big haired fish or something ;-).
On a note about ME, I’ve lost enough fat to fit into most of my old clothes. I am so psyched! It’s like getting a whole new wardrobe for FREE! I am signed up for a triathlon in September. I am learning to swim and bike more efficiently and am having a blast. I could use a muscle building routine that only takes 7 minutes given everything else I need to do during the week ;-). So bring it on!!
Scale the World, by the way, is a wonderful gift! Beautifully written as Clare says and just such a contribution to humanity. You should be so proud of it!! I know one of the two folks that I signed up is thrilled with it (haven’t heard from the other). You are such a good soul!
Ok, enough. I need to go get the chlorine out of my bad haircut hair…..
Posted on Jan 31, 2006 08:56 PM
Joe said:
Jon….I don’t know if you saw or heard about George W talking about how the US needs to break free of the Oil in the Middle East. Not only that but he has challenged 70,000 math and science teachers to come up with a solution….Please tell us you will write someone (like a congressman) about this. If you don’t I will.
You had the answer long before the State of the Union address. Not only the solution to this problem but serveral other health related issues.
Link
Posted on Jan 31, 2006 11:42 PM
Jon Benson said:
Elisa;
Thank you! I’m thrilled you love STW. Thanks for the words of encouragement…they help. : )
Joe;
Of course W is going to say that, what with Exxon posting the largest profits of any company, anytime in history this quarter (duuuuhhhhh…I wonder why?)
Pretty bad timing to be saying, ‘What we need is MORE OIL!”
Then there’s that whole bit about female soldiers dying from dehydration because they’re afraid to drink water during the day for being raped on the way to the outhouse in the middle of the night. Nifty.
Since the words “I f—ked up” will never exit the mouth of W, the only solution left is…gee, what certain factions (read: anyone with a f—king brain in their head) have been saying for 25 years…
…GET OFF THE OIL STANDARD!!!
Anyhoo…
The answer would not be heeded by anyone in DC, mainly because the fat in their heads is only rivaled by the fat in their asses — and they’re pretty set on keeping both in-tact.
Posted on Feb 01, 2006 12:18 AM
Joe said:
Now i get it!! It’s only the Texan Musicians that have to stick together. (see:Mpower week 1). HEHE
On a serious note..I have really been enjoying the STW emails as well. You know, I have been keeping up with your works for about 6 months now..and I gotta tell ya..I am still learning something new from everything you put out. I am sure I will be learning for a loooong time to come.
Posted on Feb 01, 2006 12:25 AM
Greg said:
I feel compelled to respond to Elisa’s comments.
Despite Jon’s aspersions, Dallas isn’t all that bad a place to live. Yes, it’s flat, and the weather can be extreme. But the people are about the same as they are anywhere else in the country, and that includes New York City. I’ve lived there, and my wife is a native. The only deep differences between New Yorkers and Dallasites (or any other urban dwellers) are their accents. Sure, New Yorkers act all tough, and Dallasites come across as friendly-y’all, but that’s all social veneer.
As far as the Big Hair, I’ll bet there’s far more of it on a typical Path train from Jersey than there is on Dallas’ Central Expressway. And remember, the Dallas/Fort Worht metro area is around 4 million people so you can’t really call it a “small pond.”
Personally, I’d rather be living back in the NYC area, but it’s too expensive. And my in-laws live there. But Dallas is not a bad place to be. After all, it’s where Mount Bing-lympus is located, with its view of verdant glades and Elysian expressways.
As far as Joe’s comments on the Bush speech… just what are 70,000 math and science teachers going to come up with? It had better follow Scripture, that’s all I gottta say, or we’re gonna have to vote their school boards out of office.
And, Bingo, I guess you know that all those billions of Exxon profits will at least make a pit stop at the Exxon headquarters in Las Colinas, where (at last count) only five people worked. Wonder if any of that dough will be taxed by Irving or the County? Naaah….then it’d just be wasted on schools and roads.
Posted on Feb 01, 2006 08:18 AM
Jon Benson said:
Despite Jon’s aspersions, Dallas isn’t all that bad a place to live. Yes, it’s flat, and the weather can be extreme. But the people are about the same as they are anywhere else in the country, and that includes New York City.
Dallas sucks. It’s just not the most suck of sucks I can imagine.
The difference here is (a) you’re married; and (b) you seemingly have no aversion to Planoism — the worship of all things plastic.
If you can honestly say NYC is as plastic as Dallas, then…well, you’re just really wonked bro.
I lived in L.A. for six years. Honestly, the pretension here cannot begin to compare with the pretension in LA — and that’s not for a lack of wanting otherwise.
I’ve lived there, and my wife is a native. The only deep differences between New Yorkers and Dallasites (or any other urban dwellers) are their accents. Sure, New Yorkers act all tough, and Dallasites come across as friendly-y’all, but that’s all social veneer.
You forgot IQs — about 11 points higher on average.
As far as the Big Hair, I’ll bet there’s far more of it on a typical Path train from Jersey than there is on Dallas’ Central Expressway. And remember, the Dallas/Fort Worht metro area is around 4 million people so you can’t really call it a “small pond.”
I dare you mention “Jersey” in a contextual debate involving NYC. You sir should be slain. Heh.
Big hair in Jersey — not a lot of big hair here anymore. However, we kill in the bubble-boobie department. More bubble-boobies in Dallas than any city per capita in the nation. Look it up.
One of my clients is a top 5 plastic surgeon here. You should hear the stories…
Personally, I’d rather be living back in the NYC area, but it’s too expensive. And my in-laws live there. But Dallas is not a bad place to be. After all, it’s where Mount Bing-lympus is located, with its view of verdant glades and Elysian expressways.
Ah yes…such a lovely place it ‘tis.
Gee…today I think I’ll run out to the lake and watch the green water a bit while obese yups trail around on $3K bikes. I really enjoy that.
Here’s another difference between Dallas (i.e. “fake city”, no culture, 4M spread out and no one lives downtown) and a NYC (i.e. “real city”, culture, 3x larger all in one area, and everyone wants to live downtown): fat.
Dallas is much fatter.
Now, that’s okay — I’m in the business to help that. There’s nothing against “fat people” in the least going on here. I would have to hate myself at times if that were the case!
However, fat snobby assholes who trek around on bikes they don’t have a clue how to use that are $2K more expensive than necessary with their fat asses hanging over both sides of that skinny little seat and peddling a whopping 50rpm…well, Bingo’s wrath is at hand.
NO FAT PEOPLE IN SPANDEX ON BIKES. EVER.
My god people.
The gyms are even worse — and that’s something that my good friend Greg does ‘not’ have enough experience with (yet…yet….) to comment on.
NYC gyms are really a trip. People actually TRAIN THERE. (I know, I know….) Even in the yup gyms, people train. I mean ‘train’ — each to their own degree. Now, I’ve only been in, say, 10 gyms there, but it’s all about the same. I’m sure there are exceptions.
It’s the RULE here — people in most public gyms are not training. They’re DISPLAYING. They’re on the prowl. It’s a club without the beer — but buddhadamnit if they don’t play the SAME F—KING MUSIC THERE. Oh, they DO.
“Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.” (repeat until Bush recants Iraq.)
Fun.
So…NYC has 100x the culture in, what, 3x the people? They are leaner because they CAN walk from place to place (try walking from your place to mine Greg… ), and frankly they are a hell of a lot more friendly.
You asked. Even if you didn’t…my damn blog.
Also — the women are luscious and (for the most part) smart.
F-it…I’m moving tomorrow.
As far as Joe’s comments on the Bush speech… just what are 70,000 math and science teachers going to come up with? It had better follow Scripture, that’s all I gottta say, or we’re gonna have to vote their school boards out of office.
Well, you KNOW that math is covered in Scripture, Greg.
Just look at the Ark. There you go. That’s pretty math-like.
And then there’s the counting — as in genealogy stuff.
Oh…scratch that. Seems the two Gospel authors had a bit of confusion on that. One came up with a list almost twice as long…hmmm…
BUT THEY WERE COUNTING.
And that’s math.
So…there.
God, what IS MY POINT?
I dunno.
And, Bingo, I guess you know that all those billions of Exxon profits will at least make a pit stop at the Exxon headquarters in Las Colinas, where (at last count) only five people worked. Wonder if any of that dough will be taxed by Irving or the County? Naaah….then it’d just be wasted on schools and roads.
Heh. Yeah.
We don’t need no…edumacation….
We don’t need not…road control….
Bingo out.
Posted on Feb 01, 2006 12:06 PM
Greg said:
OK, let me put it another way:
I’ve lived in big cities, and I’ve lived in small. People are people no matter where you go, despite the surface differences caused by regional acculturation.
True, there’s plenty of plastic in Dallas but there’s plenty in New York, too…just of a different kind. Dallas is a grindstone of crushing mediocrity and—believe it or not, so is much of New York (although the bustling centers of expertise in the City—financial, artistic, culinary and commercial—more than make up for their surrounding environs of blandness.) I knew loads of posers in NYC, and I know loads here.
You want to talk about pretentious people? Go to the Dallas Museum of Art on a Saturday afternoon. Then do the same at the MOMA. You’ll hear the same stupid, pretentious stuff in both places, just with different accents. People are full of Condaleeza no matter where you go.
Obviously you cannot compare NYC and Dallas night life, culture, etc. either, I remember moving back to Dallas after living in the City and feeling quite homesick. Walking downtown was laughable. There’s none of the energy, the excitement of NYC. But, hey, same thing can be said of most other major metro areas, and let’s not get started on small towns.
What’s funny about it is that your post got me thinking, especially the comment about “Planoism.” (For those of you who don’t know, Plano is a Model Suburb of Dallas. It’s chock full of Suburban-driving soccer moms, every house is nice but looks the same, the city’s major sport is Retail, everyone is a Republican like Jesus (no, not the gardener, the Carpenter), you get the idea. It’s A Real Nice Place to Raise Your Kids Up In. Jon accused me of Planoism and I suppose he’s right to some degree, although I actually live in Frisco (often touted as “The Next Plano” in real-estate ads). Maybe I am getting a bit bourgeoise as I get older…but there’s enough of the firebrand left in me to be offended when I’m accused of Planoism.
To sum up, 1) Yes, Dallas can suck, but so can NYC. 2) People are the same wherever you go. It’s easy to generalize them as populations, but when you get down to individual level all bets are off. Weirdos everywhere! And good people, too. 3) No, Bingwallah, I don’t have much experience in the gym, either. Only with the one. And many of the people I see there are just preening anyway, usually I’m the only one with a clipboard keeping track of my progress.
I respect what you have to say, Bingo, but I’m glad I can disagree with you, too.
Posted on Feb 02, 2006 07:38 AM
Jon Benson said:
Greg;
Did I SAY you could disagree with me? Huh?
Heh.
Quid pro quo here…
1. The DMA sucks worse than Dallas. At times, some fair exhibits, but this, from a friend of mine who is also the largest single supporter of the DMA (ironically from England): “I have more culture in my home…but we’re trying.” Comparing it to the Big M is — well, dude, are you off your meds again?
2. The people at the M: you can find entire groups of people taking notes and asking questions. I’ve yet to see it at the DMA. People actually understand what they’re looking at…the DMA has A FOOD GALLERY AND A LIVE BAND. You do the math.
As for “posers” — sure, anywhere. The issue is “real people”, and the numbers are far greater in NYC than Dallas…or, for that matter, in any city I’ve lived in. I’m far from alone on this Greg — there’s a talk radio show dedicated to it. I hear it from SO many people who move here from another city.
(Is anyone getting the impression that Dallas sucks in my eyes? Really? Hmmm…Just don’t let this go to your head. I’m not “miserable” or anything — just peeved and ready to breathe.)
3. Jesus was an Independent. He didn’t care much for taxes, so that right there rules him out as a Dem…but he didn’t care for a big-buck government either, so he can’t be a Repub. Hmmm. He’s the Jesse Ventura of the AD/BC Switchover.
4. Imagine having a calendar shop in those days…man…you would have made a killing. “What…”AD”…who’s he?” Poor Muslims.
5. I would raise my kids ‘anywhere’ but here — seriously. Not that it is unsafe. It’s STERILE. It’s as flaccid as wet lettuce. I’d like them to know the world, physical beauty (other than me, of course), and some form of culture other than “Here’s my new Merc.” More and more people are raising kids in NYC thanks to Rudy’s rather kick-ass clean-up job. I know I would. I’d “take the chance” over “playing it safe” any day with myself or my family. Why?
Life is terminal.
Better live it where, how and why you see fit.
But yes, we can always disagree and always just be better friends for it. That’s what makes having gray matter great.
P.S. “Why don’t you just move?” Well, until recently I did not have the funds to fully live in two places, and that’s what I would have to do. My mother is here and she would be all alone. I have no other family. So, my goal is to eventually live in three places, alternating with the weather I suppose: Dallas, northern or southern Cali, and NYC.
In case anyone cares.
Greg…hold me.
Posted on Feb 02, 2006 10:54 AM
Greg said:
Yet another thing to consider:
You were raised here, right? If so, I can understand your anathema to the Big D. I look at the place where I was born and raised (a smallish town in NE Wisconsin) as boorish and mind-numbingly dull and lots of other bad things. When I moved here, North Central Texas was really urbane (my horizons broadened later) and exciting by comparison.
Yes, the DMA (Dallas Mall of Art) does suck. Except for the recent Forbidden City exhibit, which was imported from China. The museum really needs to do something about the lighting in their Monet aisle, er, exhibit. The Amon Carter is much better!
Raising kids here? In my case it”s the best of all possible worlds. North Texas is inexpensive, safe, and my son hates it. He recognizes white bread when he sees it and he constantly harps about all the “posers” and “emos” at his middle school. He’s developing a healthy disrespect for conformity and blandness at the same time as he’s learning to use the system to his advantage. And here’s how it’s going to work:
My namesake ancestors hopped the boat in Bremen in 1892 and laned at Ellis Island. They set up house in New York City and lived there for years before some of them emigrated to Wisconsin, which reminded them of the Fatherland. My maternal ancestors moved from Bavaria to New York City even earlier and eventually moved to Wisconsin. My dad moved to New York in the 50s but my mom got homesick so they moved back. I moved to New York City but was lured away by a job offer. Moving to New York and then moving away is a family tradition that I’m hoping my son will break..maybe he’ll have the wherewithal to stay there. He was born right across the river, after all.
Posted on Feb 02, 2006 12:24 PM
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