Jon Benson said:

To All:
Thanks for your concerns and comments…it’s really appreciated. I’d like to address a few things if I may. This may make that whole story even more of a “huh?”, but consider this a combination of really cheap therapy and some clarification.

NOTE: There’s a state that’s discussed in psychology. Honestly, I forget the technical name, but it’s something akin to the analogy of “the pacifist defending the ammo dump.” Perhaps you’ve never heard this one, but it’s good — and it will make you think. I think of this often when listening to others explain things to me.

Why would the pacifist defend the ammo supply shack with a weapon?

Right now, your mind may be coming up with questions that wonderfully defend the pacifist. Here’s a few good ones:

To prevent anyone from reloading their guns and causing more death.

The weapon was not loaded.

Because this is where he hid is family from the ensuing war (dumb place, but hey…it’s one of the ‘book’ answers.)

To try and talk peace to an “unarmed” person and/or group.

There are other reasons — but suffice it to say that a pacifist may indeed guard an ammo shack for pacifist reasons that remain unbetrayed.

Now, here’s way more of Jon than anyone probably cares to know — but the deal was “absolutely transparent”, so…yeah. I really didn’t think I’d be defending ammo shacks, but… : )

Most of my life my “intensity” and “passion” have been mistaken for something they’re not. Add really dark and dry humor into the mix, and a bit of brooding artist, and you get the stereotypical assessment of: man keeping anger inside.

I’d list my faults on a cocktail napkin for the world to read. Seriously. I could freakin’ care less, because my faults make me fully human. Hiding them is damn silly, as you can never heal a wound that’s hidden from the care and attention of others, including yourself.

That same trait goes both ways — I will also counter any positions of false assertions. However, I run into the infamous paradox of the pacifist defending his position to guard an ammo supply dump.

Most people would not understand. Perhaps some of the really deep thinkers would pick up on the fact that a ‘true’ pacifist wouldn’t take such an aggressive act — even that a supposedly ‘unloaded’ weapon may still inflict harm, or in fact ‘be’ loaded. (Remember, most gun accidents are followed by the phrase, “I didn’t think the gun was loaded.”)

So, when a truly non-violent man with truly healthy emotional states is, due to circumstance (the wit, the music, the look of being brutish, and the loaded gun), labeled as someone “keeping anger inside”, you just have to stop and set the story straight.

The few who have either made that comment or thought it — hey, no worries. I would have done the same thing, and Kay in particular did so in such a kind-hearted and sweet way I just wanted to hug her rather than “debate” her.

What you guys and gals don’t know is that this label has been thrust on me most of my adult life due to the aforementioned (ha) personality traits, physical traits, etc. I’ve even lost someone I cared for very much because she simply couldn’t trust the historical facts or “me” in these regards — the fact that I’ve never harmed anyone except on the football field by accident and once out of “real” self-defense. Even then I felt horrible on the inside — for the guy who attacked ‘me’!

While not a ‘pacifist’ (that’s an analogy, just in case… : ), I have walked away from so many potentially violent conflicts I’ve lost count. One stands out in particular. I was on a first date, and you know how those go. The ‘impression stage’ and all. We’re in a crowded Dallas bar, which most of you know would NOT be my first choice for a hang-out joint. Still, she wanted to introduce me to a friend of hers who tended bar, and that was cool.

We went up to the bar and started chatting with this girlfriend of hers. The guy standing on my date’s left-hand side (with me on the right) began interrupting both of the ladies and, in a drunken state, began hitting on my date in a not-so-gentlemanly fashion. I just listened and waited for her to say, “Look, I’m here with someone,” or something — but she didn’t she just tried to small-talk her way out of it. I could tell she was annoyed.

“Are you okay Lisa?” I whispered? “YES…I can handle this…don’t start anything.”

Cool, cool….

The conversation escalated, and her “handling” wasn’t anything of the sort.

So, after a few minutes of debating THIS little quagmire: “Let’s see, jump in and have her think I’m all MACHO and stuff, which I’m NOT (by the way, I mean “macho” in the true definition of the word, which isn’t “brave”, “strong”, “protective”, “alpha male”…it stems from “masochist”, and was originally defined as “looking for pain.” Just so we have our semantics straight. Dunka…) — OR do nothing and have her think I don’t care about her well-being.”

Guys…this is a big one. Either way you go, you stand the chance of ‘losing’…so I did what I usually do: acted out of my own core beliefs. If she misunderstood, so be it.

I asked her to go to wait outside for me. Her reaction was both one of relief AND confusion, which really did a number on my brain, but hey — I was committed as the drunk ass was now making comments toward me.

“So, do you want ME to step outside, too big guy?,” the drunken buffoon said. This guy was a stout fella, but I have a history of martial arts at my disposal.

“No man…I just wanted to ask you a question.”

“NO man…you’ve already walked into this, so let’s go…”

“First my question.” I extended my hand to shake his. Interesting, as believe it or not MOST people will knee-jerk and shake back. He did.

“Would you rather just shake hands with me right now, admit your drunk, let me either buy you a cup of coffee or call a cab for you, or do you REALLY want to hurt someone you don’t know over a girl you don’t know to prove something you don’t need to prove, and gamble that I’m NOT a martial artist (NLP there folks) who could really hurt you instead?” Admittedly, I had taken his hand an moved it into a position to guide him around like a puppet if need be but not causing him any immediate pain.”

Before I knew it, he was hugging me, apologizing, and letting me call him a cab. We walked outside, I hailed a cab as my date watched, and sent him on his merry way.

“I can’t BELIEVE you did that! What’s wrong with you?” This was my date’s response.

“What do you mean?”

“First, you didn’t defend me at the bar…you just let that guy hit on me for 10 minutes. Then you didn’t defend YOURSELF? You’re a p—-y. Call me a cab, too.”

So, there you go. The Kobayashi Maru (Star Trek trivia) — the no-win situation assuming you’re out with a girl who has a 10cc brain. I didn’t even bother explaining to her my reasoning, as it was way too late and after that display of ignorance I knew I’d never care anyway. Just called her a cab.

Now, in reality, she took no responsibility. She egged this guy on and wanted someone to read her mind, betray what she asked, and slug him. She wanted to see blood. She wanted to know that the guy she was with was “better” than the guy hitting on her.

Hell, I really should have put those two into THE SAME CAB and hoped they’d copulated and have a bastard child who would one day make our remedial classes proud by giving up snuff.

Why harm anyone when you don’t have to? That’s been my “mantra” for almost every instant of my adult life — even when anger and rage ‘were’ present in me and unresolved some 15 years ago.

There you go — a bit of Bingo history for you. I will submit that yesterday had nothing to do with “underlying rage” or even the desire to harm someone who, in reality, would have deserved to be harmed. Just…wanted to set the story straight. It’s a tough issue for me personally as it’s an easy thing for people to misunderstand and misinterpret, but it’s a costly misinterpretation.

Being ‘able’ to harm and ‘harming’ will always be two different things.

So please, friends and just bloggers wondering what the hell I’m going on and on for, just realize that the ‘humor’ in this blog is EXACTLY THAT — humor. It’s not real, except it’s my ‘real’ sense of humor. Harming Celine Dion would never happen, for instance, nor do I wish “death upon her” — goodness, that’s sick. Just a joke. And, I’ll continue to joke in this fashion now that I’ve cleared my good name…OR SO HELP ME GOD, I’LL….

: )

P.S. You remember that, “Jon may actually kill us” gag? Are you SURE it’s a gag now?

P.P.S. SEE…TOLD YOU!

To Janine:
The freaky thing about this was the fact it was ‘not’ knee-jerk. I had plenty of time in my walk across the place to just walk OUT the door. It was calculated, granted very quickly.

Now, this on retrospect — and man, if this isn’t “law of attraction” meets “godly intervention” or whatever: I found out after my blog last night that the elevator next to my door stopped working.

On hindsight, and not to defend my reaction, HAD I just said, “Jon, let’s be like the French and run away, run away!”, I would have hit the elevator button as, frankly, I don’t know where the damn stairs are in this joint. Haven’t lived here but about a month and a half, you know.

Seeing the light NOT work would have done a REALLY BAD NUMBER on my brain. Come on — you THINK there’s someone in your bedroom who wants to kill you AND the elevator is out? Your mind would race, too.

I also remember this now (you forget a lot of things during these moments): after I grabbed the weapon, I did walk outside the door. I then rationalized that I was stuck with a loaded 357, so exactly where would I go without scaring the crap out of someone and possibly being arrested for carrying it? Going BACK in was the only choice.

When I went back in, I yelled, “I have a loaded gun, so come on out.” I heard the voice again (still not aware it was coming from a speaker) and that’s when I went all Johnny Cash. : )

So, from that point on, it was kinda knee-jerk and kinda planned, but I was in a very strange, calm place. Perhaps my subconscious was running the scenarios. It’s highly unlikely that anyone would break into this place to begin with, let alone make a threat and not ‘act’ on it. My subconscious knew this, my conscious mind was occupied. So, more than likely the ‘calm’ came from a deep-seeded knowledge that no one was really there even though it never crossed my conscious mind.

See how lucid I am today? : )

To Lee:
How do you say, “No one likes you very much,” into German? : )

To Lissa!!!!:
Dig in girl…and buy a lamp! ; )

To Lori:
Careful…someone may think you have an anger issue. : )

For the record: I do not own a gun. It’s my roommate’s gun. However, I have ‘no problems’ with gun ownership as long as you’re trained on how to use a weapon. I am, as I took a friend up on a bet years ago that I could learn to shoot his Glock before he could get a date with any girl. I won. He taught me the basics, and I’m glad I learned in case of emergencies.

On the other hand, I’m not a member of the NRA. Nothing ‘against’ them per-se, but there’s a lot of weirdos in that group along with a lot of normal people who really want to cling to the Constitution.

Bottom line: guns don’t kill people…it’s just that noise they make.

(Thanks Eddie…)

That whole subject is a tough one for me. If I had kids, I’d make damn sure they could NOT get to the weapon, if we had a weapon. Yes, it’s possible — really. So many anti-gun folk think that it’s literally impossible to pull this off or something. It’s not. Wake up.

My dad even ‘showed me’ where he kept two guns; a 22 (good for flesh wounds) and a freakin’ shotgun (good for hunting buffalo.) Never used them, except during a hunting trip. I knew where they were from 12 on, and never touched them because — get this — I respected my parents and knew my dad meant business when he said DON’T TOUCH.

I know, I know…responsible parenting and all…go figure.

Still, for the rebellious kid (I wasn’t one) I wouldn’t put so much trust in them.

Another option is to keep a gun and never buy bullets. Only problem is you have to hope that just the sight of a weapon will scare Mr. Intruder away. Doubtful, but possible.

Finally, the “no-guns-ever” approach. Works great until you need protection. At that point, the woman being raped would give her left leg for a gun. Sorry to be so frank, but that’s the fact — and that’s also a personal experience of mine. I had a girlfriend (friend, not “girlfriend”) who was a staunch anti-gun person. She was not “anti-protection” nor a pacifist, but really hated guns.

She was raped in college.

I know the story, and I also know that she now keeps a loaded weapon by her bed.

So, I’m not trying to postulate anything — merely stating that I have no problems with weapons if you know how to use them. That’s the big “if”. Until ALL GUNS are removed from planet earth (please…don’t hold your breath), then it makes sense to learn how to protect your family.

Interesting stat: of all the in-home gun accidents, over 90% of the owners have NO weapons training at all. They merely bought one for security reasons. That’s downright stupid, and I’d love to see a law put into place that MADE people go through a measly 8-hour course on how to use, safely discharge, safely keep and clean a weapon IF you choose to have one.

My god…you need a freaking license to FISH, but any moron can buy a Glock.

One last thing: the officers who did a great job at my place last night said, without one reservation, “Mr. Benson, you did the right thing.” All joking aside (as you may have gathered, there were jokes in my story-telling…but the events were not altered), this is absolutely the way it went down: “You did exactly what you should have done — you kept an unloaded weapon in a safe place, loaded it for protection, and eventually called us.”

They did ask about why I didn’t just leave, but I explained the sequence, and they said, “We’re glad you DIDN’T leave. You may have caused someone to have a heart attack running through your building with a gun.”

To Tammy:
This was brilliantly stated, and your compassion is so clear. Thank you kindly! You are ‘exactly’ right — everyone should chew and even swallow before spitting. It just happens to be I’ve heard this for 20 years, so I know the taste all too well. Those who know me best would literally laugh at anyone who thought I was truly violent or carried unresolved anger that could potentially “blow”. I’m actually known as the “weirdo artist-writer-fitness whatever guy who is pretty together considering.”

Still, the assertion, like I said, is more than justified…merely not accurate.

Thanks for challenging me to think. : )

To Kay:
Soul seems to be fine, thanks…and great point about the “lost message”. However, they’re kids, and we all did stupid things as kids…I hope.

“Macho” — no, my sweet, not I. Wrong guy. Then again, as I said in my Tolstoy-like intro, I’m using the term literally. I seek no pain, no violence of any kind. I have no need to prove my manhood in any way other than living up to my Core Values.

Now, I am a ‘brave’ guy at times, and I will plow through obstacles like Charlie Sheen plows strippers, but that’s not ‘macho’ — that’s just being alive. At least to me. That’s the opposite of being a coward perhaps, although I have acted cowardly in my day. Last year is a great example of that.

Now, a “macho man” would never admit that. Nor would he be so emotionally expressive as I am. I may not cry during Prudential commercials, but I have no problem with crying at all. It’s very healthy, and some of the most memorable moments of my life were when I cried with a woman I cared for.

Granted, this was usually in the process of begging…

Kidding.

So with your very cool “feminism sucks” comment, I would agree except for the fact that it brought so many necessary changes to our society. Women have been dogged for eons, and here’s the “macho Jon” stance: treating a woman like a slave, a sex toy, or an unequal is the sign of a true coward. On the other hand, “divas” can go f—k themselves. Grow up, you loser, and take responsibility for your own damn groceries.

There are no “kings” or “queens” (Richard Simmons excepted) in this world. There’s only people, and we best wake up and realize that we’re both equal participants in a wonderfully-designed union of heart, mind, body and soul — not “from Mars and from Venus”, as that sap John Gray thinks.

Men can be deeply emotional creatures. The world’s finest poets were men, and that doesn’t just come from no where. Women can be sports-loving newspaper hogs. I know several who know more about football stats than I ever will. They can also use men for sex just as easily as men use women — it’s just not as common.

Just last night a friend’s mother stated, categorically, that “women bond through sex, men do not.” “Bullshit!” Sorry, but that’s what I said. “I bond on a level very few women have been capable of sharing sexually — however, since a lot of women I meet seem to enjoy men who mistreat them, many guys I know have opted for the “sex, please, then leave” train of thought.”

It’s a lot deeper than most people will ever uncover because they refuse to dig and get their fingernails dirty.

I will say this: a LOT of men are sexually clueless. And, a LOT of women enjoy shopping. Big deal. Just do yourself and the rest of us a favor and decide what you really, honest-to-god, want in a mate, and settle for nothing less. Using women or men for sex in the interim is cruel. Using men or women for entertainment, often footed by the male is almost as cruel and definitely as WRONG ethically.

Now, you ask a GREAT question…”what would I have done had a date been with me.” That one is simple — get her out of the house at all costs. I’ve experienced this before, so I know what my reaction would have been. However, I probably would have grabbed the weapon case first just in case.

So there’s a huge level of “protection of another” going on in my brain. Self-protection to a lesser degree, but that’s not some kind of death wish. Long story which I’ll cover sometime.

Kay said, “If you don’t believe it, give up music for 30 days and see if you don’t change your opinion about the lyrics in most it.”

I did that a few years ago…I gave up ALL music for two months. My mind never changed about the lyrics because of the NLP issues I’ve discussed. However, like I said, you have to be ‘prepared’ for it, and that movie hit me on a level I was not prepared for. So, yes…everything CAN affect us, no doubt, but there are preventative measures one can take. I’d say this should be attempted by 5% of the population… : ) Overall, I do agree with you…truly. I’m somewhat of an exception to the musical bit.

Thanks for really caring Kay, and really brining up fantastic points.

To Julius:
The world either loves or hates a thinking man…I love ‘em. Thanks for giving that some thought. And sorry for getting the Cash tune stuck in your head. : )

Posted on Nov 26, 2005 01:53 PM

Jon Benson said:

Tammy;

You did not in any way offend me, nor did anyone else. Promise! I did not take your comments in this fashion — I only wanted to make some things clear and, frankly, air out some old dirty laundry kicked up by contact by a certain “ex” that misread my values for something they were not.

Like I said, we all suck in ways, you know? Faults and all…but faults are a double-edged sword. Without them, we’re inhuman. With them, we’re often not loved by others, which is in reality ‘their’ fault most of the time. Granted, I wouldn’t love a psychopath, but I’m speaking within the realm of the norm.

True compassion is the understanding of our own humanity as we learn to embrace the humanity of others.

Isn’t that a great quote? Thanks…I wrote it. : )

Christ called this “mercy”.

Ironically, after 30 years of involvement, I know very few “merciful” followers of the man — but the ones I DO know keep me optimistic about life, love and spiritual matters.

Thanks guys (and gals…”guys” is very Cali for “everyone”) for allowing me to just write for a day or so, vent, gab, and be real.

I’m honored that you would read this far.

Onward and upward, starting with my trek to the gym tonight.

Posted on Nov 26, 2005 06:29 PM

Jon Benson said:

Holly, if only more women were “individualists”…and men. And dogs, cats, and rodents if they stop with the rabies bit.

The comments from everyone are just incredible — very helpful, and very insightful. I really appreciate the folks who normally just read and move on (the vast majority) speaking up with great input.

After having the weekend to reflect on this and, frankly, move on and get refocused on my goals, I’ve come to some important conclusions:

1. The fact that I’m willing to look at my actions is probably more important than the actions themselves, at least in a long-run perspective;

2. Lee is correct; “get out” would have been the best option ‘if’ there were not other factors. Some of those factors (not included in my original text) was the fact that I didn’t have my keys, cell phone, etc. There’s no phone in the lobby and “if” there was someone in the joint, they would have surely come after me. At that point, I would have had to hope he didn’t have a gun or had a gimpy leg. Since the elevator was out, I would have had a ‘long’ run down the hall to the newly-found stairwell or second set of elevators. And, of course, my first reaction of “get a gun and protect yourself” was, in my opinion, the right thing to do given the nature of the threat. I almost just ‘went in’ the room unarmed, trusting my ability to fight. THAT would have been stupid, as GunFu beats KungFu any day of the week past 10 feet. So…yeah, I think I did the right thing considering getting my phone and keys, in two different places, would have been more time-consuming than going to the far-side of the room with the threats and grabbing the 357.

3. The decision not to leave ‘after’ I had a loaded gun was a no-brainer, and again I would repeat this action. I would have been faced with the same issue if I unloaded the weapon and took off with an empty gun as if I had a loaded gun; the possibility of scaring the life (literally) out of someone or even having someone think “I” was an intruder and shooting me. Not good. Leaving the gun would have been totally stupid as I would have given the intruder (if there was one) a weapon if he ‘didn’t’ have one. So, once the gun was in my hand, staying was the only option.

4. The only thing I looked at and said, “Not good Jon…next time….” was the fact that I went through the rooms. I should have just grabbed the nearest phone, call the police, and hold up in a corner or behind something with the gun. In short, be reactive in protection rather than proactive in defense.

So, there you go.

As far as “macho”, it’s obvious that everyone is defining that term differently, which again is totally cool. Very few use it the way I do — one who seeks violence and pain to prove manhood. If “brave”, “protective”, etc. is defined as “macho”, then of course, sign me up. Either way, the action was certainly not one of cowardness or weakness — however, getting out of the place, had it BEEN a realistic option, would not have been cowardly or weak, either. If there had been anyone else in the place, I would have sent THEM out with me staying — no doubt about it.

All things considering, I give myself a B+. An “A” would have entailed a less determined Jon looking ‘for’ this person just because I was well-prepared. Let the cops do that. I have some fat to burn and some lives to change — they can hunt bad guys.

Peace all…Jon

Posted on Nov 27, 2005 03:02 PM

Jon Benson said:

To Gypsi:
Oh, believe me, I felt threatened consciously! If you heard a voice from the other room saying they were about to kill you…well, yeah. : ) All things considered, I’m cool with Jon.

To Tera:
You obviously do not live in Dallas. Ha. A lot of mindlessness you have to contend with, you know? But hey, it has its perks.

Mom is here.

The Cowboys.

Nice cost-of-living.

Some really cool people.

I’m drawing a blank after that….

Posted on Nov 28, 2005 03:28 PM