Then there is money. It is staggering what 6.2% blood money will do for a city, no? If you have to ask, you don’t need to know.

Finally we have corruption. I mean literal corruption. As in…golly. I’ll put is this way: you can tell where D.C.’s tax dollars go, and it ain’t to the burbs.

Oh sure, there is that kind of corruption, too. For Buddha’s sake, Dubya (or just “W” for those who are too lazy to type Texan) and kin have perfected the art to the point to where the truth isn’t just “a straight line, ever blurring”, as someone famous probably once said.

Nope…that wasn’t good enough. Truth is now nuked into the stone age and replaced with “whatever works”. No line, no blur…just “If we say it, it must be so. And don’t ask about the line…there’s a nuclear winter over the Line Family at this moment in time.

“Check back after this whole “global warming” myth goes away.”

Nifty.

Many people do not know that the “W” is short for “wee-wee head”, which Mama Bush, who is really Papa Bush genetically speaking — or some form of Mutant “Ages At The Rate Of One Day Per Hour” Bush — assumed was one word rather than a hyphenated word and then yet another word.

Or, perhaps “Dick” was just too obvious.

Now we are left with a once perfectly good letter rendered synonymous with cluelessness, corruption, and killing people ‘cause Jeasuss!! tells us to.

(Can anyone out there locate my choo choo train of thought? It went off the rails to be seen no more. Completely obliterated, as if hit by an errant missile shot by a 19-year-old with tears of pain in his eyes.)

Let me start over: D.C. is nice in places, but it mostly reminds me of a fairy tale land where fat men with red ties go to play in a huge sandbox and see who can lay the largest dookie and cover it up the fastest.

Yes, D.C. — the Man-Kitty City. That kinda rolls off your tongue.

Speaking of…ever noticed that cats have really Brillo-like tongues? Don’t you find that odd, given the rest of them are soft and cuddly? My mom’s cat looks like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man after being crammed in a dryer for three days. Still, her tongue is like iron wool coated with uric acid crystals.

Okay, I’ve covered the basics here: D.C., Bush, his ugly-as-dookie mother, cats…what am I forgetting…

Oh, yeah. Fitness stuff. Hmmm.

First…(heh)

On the way to the hotel, we drove past the EPA. I asked the cabbie if anyone still works there…and if not, why not turn it into a homeless shelter?

I find humor is lost on cabbies from Somalia.

Anyhoo…this whole “global warming” thing is finally (bada-bing) heating up. Geez…after only eighteen years. Of course Wee-Wee Head tried to censor the consensus. After all, what the hell does NASA know that a redneck from Crawford can’t figure out with a good Pointer and a home-made rain stick? Nothing!

No, really.

Plus “science” and “Satan” both start with an “s”, so…you know…better steer clear. Damn. “Steer” starts with an “s”…so does “start”.

Ah, to D.C. with it.

On a positive spin, you really have to admire the sheer stupidity all of this must demand. I mean, there’s stupid, and then there’s “Let’s keep this quiet, otherwise our support group will lose billions of dollars” stupid. You know, as if there will be a world to SPEND those billions of dollars stupid? Yeah, that stupid.

Anyway, it’s a fact, and it’s been a fact for everyone but the titans who stand to lose a fortune for far longer than a few weeks.

This brings me, finally, to fitness — and why it’s even more important now than ever before.

Unless we pull out collective heads out of our collective Rummies, only the most healthy and fit among you will survive. You may think this is all “Soylent Green” and Jacko, but it’s not — it’s a fact. You better start taking care of your health because, frankly, at least here in the States, you are being left on your own.

Think about it: given a planet with limited resources, does it really behoove a government to help you live longer? No way.

I know, that’s harsh — but I don’t care. Log off it you do.

Now I believe this really kicked into high gear with statins, but that’s another article and another conspiracy.

Just for all you nay-sayers out there…guess who I sat next to on the plane? One of the head honcho science dudes at the aforementioned EPA. He is actually employed by the Bush Administration, and I’ll put it this way — if you talked that way about your boss, you’d be fired. Hence the ambiguity in my description.

“We’ve been saying this for years, but the bottom line is they don’t care…too much money to lose.”

His words, not mine. Scary.

So folks, it’s time to take care of yourself. Unless we all of a sudden cease our passion for greed, only the strong will survive. It’s Darwinism, The Sequel.

Yes, I know that isn’t accurate, but flow with the joke.

With all of that doom and gloom said…I’m back!

Okay, a few more things: first, there’s a whopping 148 Simply Eat! books left at $5. No kidding. click here to pick one up before they go to $32. Great little book…trust me, I wrote it.

Second, and in the vein of greed and wee-wee heads, please have yourself a great laugh and read about Panexa, the new wonder drug. It’s one of the best spoofs on the pharmies I’ve seen in a long time.

Too bad truth is stranger than fiction. {10}