I’ve been kinda fascinated by the D connection ever since I stumbled on some articles on Mercola.com. Joe is kinda wacky, but he’s one of the good docs for the most part. Granted, he thinks grains are creations of Satan (I believe that’s almost a literal statement.) God knows how the Egyptians managed to do that whole “pyramid” thing on ‘em. Other than that he’s okay in my book. In fact, I dig his bias. He has the rubbers to ‘be’ bias, which is rare. (“Rubbers”…new Bingo swear term for…well, just don’t kick us there.)

Since then, I’ve been looking more and more into D. One of the best articles I’ve found on the subject debunks cholesterol (one of my favorite things to debunk and horrify doctors with in the process) and manages to bolster the D connection to heart disease. Check it out by clicking here.

Here — I’ll pretend you’re Anna Nicole Smith and make it easy for you. I’ll give you the Cliff Notes, comment on how smart you are while endeavoring to keep a straight face, and then cast you in cheesy soft-core flicks where you don’t have to learn any words over two syllables. Even then you get a linguistics coach, albeit you don’t know what linguistics means. Being a curious lump of estrogn with an I.Q. that rivals your shoe size, you ask, “Jon, what means ‘logis sticks’?” I’ll tell you that linguistics is the study of how to make one’s lips fuller through reading Danielle Steele rags, and you’ll buy off on it like a bass with a hook in its mouth. Then you can gain 50 pounds of fat for the hell of it, only to have half the white trash population refer to you as a “sexy symbeel.”

How’s all that sound?

Well, I’ll give you the Cliff Notes. I won’t do that other stuff unless you’re as dense as the aforementioned (yeah!) Anna Nicole — and that would require that your brain be composed of matter from a freakin’ neutron star.

A bit of trivia — the density of a neutron star is off-the-chart. A teaspoon of it would weigh about a billion tons. You think I’m kidding. Look it up. That’s about the weight of a large asteroid…and if it were dropped on the earth, it would devastate half a continent.

Oh, okay…JEEEEEZ. Some of you just want ALL the fact (first it’s “coconut oil”, and now it’s neutron star matter and collision equations…my Buddha, do I look like an encyclopedia with (soon-to-be) 18 inch arms? Huh? Have you ever SEEN an encyclopedia with arms? Well?

Okay then. Okay. That’s better.

Anyway, a neutron star’s average density is theorized to be in the order of 10^14 g/cm^3. So, a tablespoon of this stuff would be 5*10^11 kg. Assuming a terminal velocity of 250 kph, that would give the chunk a kinetic energy of about 10^21 kJ.

There.

We’re talking freakin’ dense Jacko, here.

So, as you can see, that density joke was damn funny — you just needed a wee bit of a refresher course in physics to appreciate it.

Now…laugh, damn you!

That’s better.

Cliff notes:

Take vitamin D. It’s good. It’s missing in most people’s bodies, unless you get quite a bit of natural sunlight. There are simple blood tests to run to be sure you have enough.

I get D from Carlson’s lemon-flavored cod liver oil. That’s the best — period. It tastes excellent. You can take several tablespoons a day and you’re cool as long as you don’t go out in the sun a lot — then cut back as you don’t want too much.

Combined with fish oil (EPA/DHA/d-alpha tocopherol), you’re rockin’ on the fat front.

Why does D help the H so much?

How’s this for starters: vitamin D reduces vascular smooth muscle proliferation, reduces vascular calcification, decreases parathormone levels, reduces C reactive protein (CRP) and other markers of inflammation, and decreases renin, all of which should prevent or treat heart disease.

I just cut and pasted that, but I knew it already. Really. I’m like freakin’ smart and stuff.

So, good junk this D. Take it.

Status: workouts are great. Cardio needs to increase (still working up to that). Recovery heart rate improving. Strength improving. Muscle mass improving. Body fat decreasing. I’m wearing workout sweats that fit way too tight when I started and now fit nice and loose. So, yeah baby — Bingo is rockin’. Looking at 20 in 10.

Remember: Vitamin D is good — consider it the “missing nutrient”, ‘cause it basically is. D is bad is on report cards. D is a good bra size. D is a poor magazine featuring a bunch of junk about how pretentious and silly Dallas, Texas is. D is the initial of my middle name. D is the first letter in a “Dear John” letter.

D is really an all-purpose dilly. Just be sure to take that cod liver oil, and you’ll D just fine. That’s all I’ve got to say to you…po-pow. {10}