Ingrates!
Geezy-creezy! I go away for a few days and I hear a bunch of bad press about my really clean, beautiful (except for that gout Jacko) feet?
Ingrates, each and every one of ya.
Oh, alright…I admit I’ve been busy with Scale The World, something each of you had better join or I SWEAR I’ll blog for three months on feet, starting with the stench produced from 4-year-old Odor-Eaters that lost their appetite three-and-a-half years prior.
Am I making myself clear? Good! Now, on to the Bingo Blog Show…now with less feet!
One more thing about the feet. (Heh…I love doing that. You love it to, don’t you? Yeah, I know you by now. Freakin’ tease-loving, blog-readin’ freakshow.)
GOUT SUCKS.
I think I ‘may’ have mentioned that a time or two, but it really needs to be made into a billboard with pictures.
Look, I have really “pretty” feet — or so the fairer sex have mentioned from time to time. So, for a guy like me, with very few other bodily features that could be adequately described as “pretty”, having my feet go out from under me (ha…that was bad) really sucks Rummy. So…enough about it already. I could just start a “Gout Awareness Clinic”, invite you all, and smash your big toe with a hammer…a few hundred times. Just taps you know — just enough to hurt like the devil but not enough to send you to hell.
Okay, enough of the pity party. I have a workout to do today.
Yes, you heard that right — me. Workout. Today.
The feet are feeling pretty good, so it’s back to the gym. No squats or anything, but that’s cool — a lot of other work to be done.
Now, a lot of you are going to want to know about my dietary modifications. I know you, like I said. Transceivers, if you’ll recall. You’ll naturally be wanting me to tell you all this stuff for my health (or, more to the point, yours) without asking for compensation.
I know you all-too-well.
Guess what? I ain’t gonna. Why? Because you blasphemed Bingo and his feet.
If…read IF you ask forgiveness, then perhaps Bingo (also known as “The Achilles of The Toe”) may grant it and then tell you how to eat to avoid uric acid build-up, still build muscle, and even better — feel really full in the process.
The odd thing is that I was working on this plan before Da Gout struck me down like an arrow from that wussy Paris’ bow.
God, what a wuss. How appropriate that they named a city in France after him.
Anyway, yeah…I’m like a freakin’ mind-reader, fortune-teller, soothsayer, dragon-slayer, witchy-woman-man or something I guess. This “diet” (you know I don’t like that word) really works, and it works off the principle of energy density and enzymatic response. More food volume, less energy per kcal, and you rest the internal organs long enough to allow them to regenerate, hence greater enzymatic and hormonal response.
Oh, you want it now, don’t you.
Well…well? I don’t hear any apologies out there.
Don’t make me call Paris and have him come over, steal your wife (or husband, as I’m convinced the wuss went both ways), start a war, and then make me come over an kill everyone.
Yeah…I saw “Troy” recently…but I knew the story before the movie. I’m smart and stuff. {10}
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Comments (40)
Alicia said:
Oh you know you love it! Now spill the beans before I ask for a refund for M-Power, LifeAssess, FOF, BTFFM and every thing else you have displayed on the right side of this page! You have all of my money. what else do you want?… my blood, my first child… my feet?!?
JUST KIDDING! Except for the part about loving it because we love you and we wouldn’t be us if we didn’t rag on you a bit just as you do to us. We love ya for it and you love us too. C’mon admit it. It’s uh… the greatest form of flattery… yeah that’s it! :D *Wondering if Bingo is buying this*
Ok I promise never to speak unkindly of thy feet again. I’ll hold my nose next time. Am I forgiven your not-so-holiness? ;-)
On a serious note: I am very glad to hear your feet are better!!
Posted on Jan 16, 2006 03:27 PM
Elisa said:
OH MY GOD YOU ARE FUNNY!! HEY! I for one did NOT make fun of your feet. So I think I should get a pass and therefore be let in on this “diet” secret. It’s only right, right? Positive reinforcement…?
Alicia you are a stitch! Starting to sound a little like, no couldn’t be, BINGO! Do you think Bingo is rubbing off on us or is that just the ancient odor eater ;-).
We love you and are glad to hear your feet are better. Thank the New Yawkers for us ;-).
p.s. already a proud, card carrying scale the world member (as hopefully are two of my friends)
COME ON….give us the skinny on the “diet”!!
Posted on Jan 16, 2006 06:08 PM
Joe said:
I DID IT!! I made myself/chose to get back into the gym today!!
And I feel great. I used Jon’s quick fitness tips and was in and out in about 20 minutes. My chest feels just as pumped as when I would do 4 or 5 exercises at 4 sets. I was not working out smart at all. Jon’s method is much better!
Posted on Jan 16, 2006 06:28 PM
Paul said:
Geez Jon..you rock star..all us groupies feel better now that you are back..don’t leave us hangin so long next time..your long absence almost made me think a Dear John letter was on it’s way.
Paul
Posted on Jan 16, 2006 07:16 PM
Tammy said:
Welcome back! I hope the healing energy helped. My workouts have been great while the meal plans still need work. I haven’t been putting in much energy with the plannning, shopping or preparing. My time has become extremely limited and I won’t take time out of the workouts, so help is really needed. Actually, it shouldn’t take long for me to throw some stuff into the Vita Mix, come to think of it. I guess it is the planning and shopping and preparation that gets me. My energy is lacking and I really hate it; more headaches, too. Did I miss an email or something? Has the ‘Scale’ started yet? I am anxiously awaiting it as are some of my friends. Glad to have you back with us.
Posted on Jan 16, 2006 08:10 PM
Elizabeth said:
yaHOOOO - Jon’s back! I have this little recurring Outlook appointment telling me to sign in to 10 every morning (before the boss gets in dontcha know) … well, let me tell ya I almost cancelled the appointment yesterday as 10 seemed to be waning a bit … and B*I*N*G*O!!! There it is - a Blog from the creator himself.
BTW-Outlook recurring appointments are a great goal-reminder tool for those who sit at the dread ‘puter daily.
My Disney Marathon went well last weekend. I beat my goal time by 11 minutes. My daughter and I started a 12 week before/after type fitness challenge this week. My eating seems to have leveled off and I need a solid goal to kick myself into high gear and get my bodyfat down to 15%. I’ll still train for the Cincinnati Marathon (May) but focus on weights as my “must-do” workout. Any pointers from the peanut gallery?
Also-Has anybody tried a “colon cleanse” before? My sister swears by it and I ordered one from DrNatura - I’ve got a little trepidation going on here.
I’m waiting with bated breath for Scale the World to begin!!! That was a fabulous intro Jon, very impressive, very moving.
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 05:19 AM
Tammy said:
Elizabeth, I have done a number of colon cleanses and have had amazing results. I am definetly due for another one. After the cleansing I had more energy and no longer felt the cramping, bloating and ‘sick’ feeling that progressively had gotten worse. It also serves to detoxify and remove debris that has collected around the walls of the colon over time, thus allowing increased absorption of nutrients by getting back to the first level of cells surrounding the intestinal walls. The kit I use is called The Colon Cleansing Kit by Bleased Herbs, found on www.blessedherbs.com and been by far the most effective I have experienced yet. I followed the cleanses with a poweder containing psyllium, rice bran, apple pectin, peppermint leaf poweder and
Bentonite, called P.B.R. Plus. Oh, I have also done colon hydrotherapy. I hope this helps! Tammy
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 05:50 AM
Greg said:
And lo, on the 7th day did he speak unto the gathered tribes, from a burning Swiss Ball did his terrible and mighty visage proclaim unto them:
“I am thy Bingo, you shall have no false trainers or nutritional experts before me, especially those who are garbed in luxuriously decadent tight shorts. With spangles. Ye know of whom I speak.
“Tho shalt not take the name of your Bingo in vain, most especially shall you not sing that song about my Name-0.
“Observe the workout day, for it is every day, and must be kept. No excuses. I’ am watching.
“Honor thy father and mother. They won’t be around forever, you know.
“Thou shalt not murder, and that includes murdering your poor colon and circulatory system with saturated fats.
“Neither shall you commit adulerating. Do not adulterate your morning beverages with white cane sugar, nor European-sounding flavored derivatives of corn syrup. Do not adulterate your green salads with any dressings or sauces white in color, for these two also are the spawn of the evil corn syrup.
“Thou shalt not steal Bingo’s bits. It’s OK to riff, though. Those who steal bits shall be visited in the night by the vengeful ghost of Milton Berle.
“Never bear false fitness against thy neighbor: do not preen in front of the mirror at your local fitness center, for it only serves to cow those less muscled, and amuse those who are truly buff.
“Do not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Her husband may be bigger than you.
“Do not desire thy neighbor’s house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or his vascularity, or anything that is your neighbor’s. Especially his ox, you pervert. Work with whatt you have, and make the best of it.”
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 07:53 AM
Lee at work said:
I can just hear Jon muttering, “A bunch of freakin’ fitness humorist wannabees.. what did I do to deserve this? I bought my mother a car for Christmas, for crying out loud!”
PS you gotta admit, however, there are some pretty funny 10in10 bloggers out there.
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 10:54 AM
Woody said:
Geezy-creezy!
A Mercy Blog
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 12:24 PM
Joe said:
About colon cleansing…
is that something you need to do on a weekend with no plans of leaving home? Seriously…I would hate to try it and then Shart myself in a nightclub (oh do I have some bad memeories) LOL.
But my first question is a serious one.
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 01:27 PM
Jon Benson said:
To Alicia:
I atone thee. Or something… : ) Thanks, the feet are returning from their early demise.
No, Bingo didn’t buy it…but I did!
To Elisa:
You are not in disfavor, my child…ha.
I’ll give you guys the skinny on the diet in my next blog, which will be tomorrow at the pace today is going.
To Joe:
Great dude! That’s the key…and I’m glad the Quick Fitness audio helped (I’m assuming you’re referring to the M-Power audio of the same title.)
To Paul:
I have enough of those already, thank YOU.
To Tammy:
Energy always helps, and thank you for it. Yes, Scale The World is alive and kicking in a massive way!
To Elizabeth:
There you go! A reminder…everyone, take note.
Solid goals — by all means. Keep it simple, but keep it SOLID. Great job on the run, and for that you deserve a carrot point from Bingo.
Colon cleansing…yeah, know all about that. Power7 is cheap and effective. Colonics are more expensive. There’s something I’m about to try myself for overall cleansing (not just the colon) called “Isogenics”. I’ll keep you posted.
To Greg:
On one foot, no less!
You left off the bit about the virgins, but I’ll let it slide because I’m in a swell mood. (I guess Big G was in an unswell mood when he swiped everyone with a flood, eh? Then he got in an okay mood and apolgized for it. Stand-up God, that God guy.)
I’m sure I lost all my far-rights with that one…
To Lee:
Hey, I just fathered “fit with wit”…many shall follow and, yea, some shall lead.
To Woody:
You know…no one likes you.
Mercy blog…I aughta…
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 01:33 PM
Cherie said:
My Humble prayer;
Dear Heavenly Bingo,
Please help this little girl to keep your commandments. I’m sorry for my sin of laughing at your commandments to the point of abdominal pain, presented by your servant Greg. I know that I am stained with humanity, but I will endeavor to be Godlike in the big gym of life. I will encourage those less fortunate and spot those with blessings. I will think of you unceasingly. My I be a physical and mental shrine of peace, purity, love, labour and faith.
In the name of Blog King who scales our world
Amen
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 01:39 PM
Cherie said:
WOW, I blog off for a quiet moment of prayer and the King himself blogs in the meantime, this is one active site!
Dear Joe-some clean advice-don’t do a colon cleanse on anyday you will be in public and moving around alot. Dancing especially while drinking would be a really bad idea. Also, squats can get an entire gym snickering. Have personal experience with this one. While spotting!!!….a nurse wouldn’t personally make this mistake!
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 01:52 PM
Alicia said:
Watch it Elisa! One slip of your fingers or a stuck keyboard key and you might offend me. ;-) Well I wasn’t going to say it but yeah being stuck in the twilight zone for 6 days with the ancient odor eaters made me delirious. Ha! Now see you’re going to get me in trouble… I’ve already been atoned… I hope he doesn’t penance me with a 1O0 Our Bingos now.
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 03:53 PM
Alicia said:
Jon,
I was just about to email you asking for a recommendation for a colon cleanse product. Coincidence? I think not. :) I did a google search for Power7 and didn’t come up with anything. Is it available at Whole Foods or elsewhere? I was thinking of trying the one Cheri Calbom recommends. Have you tried it or heard anything about it? I don’t want a laxative type cleanse. I want something that will get my colon functioning optimally.
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 04:16 PM
Woody said:
“To Woody:
You know…no one likes you.
Mercy blog…I aughta…”
Two weeks down the road of 10-in-10 revisted. They are not liking me 4 pounds lighter and 65 miles down the road of my 1200 miles in 2006 !
Snap !
Posted on Jan 17, 2006 11:27 PM
janine hill said:
Bingo, I have only sympathy for your foot saga , I am not being overly sucky here, I truly feel your pain…. I have a foot spur and it kills…..
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 03:13 AM
Elizabeth said:
Thank you fellow tenners for giving me the straight sh*t about colon cleansing. I run every day … in the clean fresh air … alone - but I’ll definitely avoid the gym and the pool and the spinner room AND be sure to begin on a Friday so any side effects aren’t noticed by my co-workers. I mean, there’s only so much a padded seat can absorb before the overflow begins polluting the cubicle air, killing all my plants, and making people frown at me, right?
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 05:28 AM
Tammy said:
Alicia, I blogged yesterday about the colon cleanse I have used; it is called The Colon Cleansing Kit by Blessed Herbs and the website is www.blessedherbs.com under thekit. It has been extremely effective and definetly is not a laxative but removes debris that has accumulated on the intestinal walls, thus removing toxins also and allowing a vast increase in the absorption of nutrients and much more. I hope this helps! Let me know. Tammy
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 11:45 AM
Greg said:
You want a clean colon? Just schedule yourself for a colonoscopy. The preparation for the procedure will leave your GI tract absolutely sparkling. My wife gets one every year and I get to see the colorful pictures when she’s done, proof positive that it works.
Some people swallow very long cloth strips, but that’s kinda gross and probably dangerous as well as ineffective. Would recommend against it.
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 11:56 AM
Alicia said:
Tammy,
Thanks for the information.
I get a page not found when I type in www.blessedherbs.com. Do you have to stay near a bathroom when you use this stuff?
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 12:41 PM
Alicia said:
Greg,
Thanks but the goal is to avoid needing a colonoscopy. I appreciate you wanting to help me though.
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 12:51 PM
Greg said:
Alicia,
I look forward to a colonoscopy as much as I’d look forward to having a garden hose rammed up my butt…wait, same thing!
I’m seriously thinking about having one, though. A couple years ago my wife got the idea in her head that she just needed one, don’t know why. Glad she went through with it, though, they found a couple cancerous polyps and some precancerous sites. Snipped ‘em right out and she’s fine. If she wouldn’t have had the colonoscopy done, though, the cancers would have grown asymptomatically until it was probably too late.
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 03:34 PM
Jon Benson said:
And you guys complain about FEET???
Geez… :)
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 03:36 PM
Alicia said:
Jon,
No, just your feet. ;-)
Greg,
I’m fascinated by the fact that your wife had the feeling she needed one before knowing she actually did. I would be curious to know how she came to that conclusion. I’m very glad to hear of the positive outcome.
Posted on Jan 18, 2006 04:49 PM
Tammy said:
Alicia, Yeah you have to definetly be near a bathroom about 8 hours after taking the colon cleanse and toxin absorber tablets. I find it the ‘safest’ to plan the day to stay at home basically just to be sure and also you can feel a little drained from the process because of the waste and toxins being released and you also need to be very sure to drink alot of water before, during and after to keep from getting dehydrated and to make sure there is enough water to allow the colon to thoroughly wash everything through. I would gladly find out from my naturopath where she purchases the kit for you. She is also an MD so she has thorough knowledge of all aspects of these things and has helped me tremendously with finding food allergies, organ toxicities, etc.
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 05:58 AM
Tammy said:
Greg, I also have had a colonoscopy and they definetly clean you out, but only the debrix ‘in way’ of the tube getting through. It doesn’t thoroughly cleanse deep into the intestinal walls nor aide in releasing the toxins and ‘crap’ that have accumulated and absorbed into the cells. I am glad your wife had it done and caught some potential problems early, and I think every adult at least 40 years old, if not younger with a family history, should have preventitive colonoscopies done for this very reason. I always say better safe than sorry. Prevention and awareness are definetly the key!
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 06:03 AM
cherie said:
OK…I give up!
Had my mamogram last week, I might as well have a colonoscopy too. So much fun to be had all around. Actually I have a family history and have been putting it off. You guys talked me into it. Thanks I guess.
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 10:47 AM
anna said:
what good cleansing conversations :)
I was not blogging for a while - I was just reading and enjoying the conversations.
But today I just got my day 1 of the scale the world and Jon i love it. It just puts you in a perspective and makes you think.
I will follow it religiously for the Buddah says so - thanks a lot.
as for the colon cleansing products - I am actually using the recleanse product and it sucks cause it doesn’t seem to be doing s*** for me :). I think I was actually feeling better when I was eating my 5 meal.
Jon, glad to hear that your feet are feeling better. My foot on the other hand is not doing so great. I am keeping up the acupuncture but it almost feels like we got stuck cause it is not progressing in either direction. I am starting to think about surgery…
all in all it looks like everybody in here is having a ball. good for all in here!!
Sometimes i wonder what happened to all the people who use to be in here and now it is like they just fanished — i hope that they are still reading but maybe just not blogging….
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 12:23 PM
SUE said:
I too love the Scale the World entry. I have walked at lunch time the last 2 days and rode my stationary bike for 10 miles. I know I can keep going with the help of Scale the world and 10in10. I can’t get anyone to join with me though, they don’t know what they are missing. Maybe when I start getting better they will want to too and join me. I am not going to let them stop me!!
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 01:17 PM
Alyson said:
Jon!! Help!! PLEASE blog again so we can move on from gross feet and COLON cleasing discussions!!
:)
And congratulations on the long-anticipated launch of STW!!
Wishing you abundant success on your ‘mission’!!
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 03:01 PM
Greg said:
Anyone care to discuss painful dental procedures?
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 03:23 PM
Alicia said:
I think Jon needs to create a Forum for us 10ers where we can discuss anything and everything and start our own threads. What do you guys think?
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 03:41 PM
SUE said:
What about the Friends of Bingo site? Noone seems to be using it. Jon is pretty busy it seems,
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 04:57 PM
Jackie said:
STW is absolutely more than I anticipated. I’m copying it into Word then printing it out. Then I read it at night and do the “assignments” in my journal.
I can’t tell you how many times today I’ve had to release anger with my kids!
But it truly does help to have somebody else’s voice in my head helping me to have more positive thoughts.
Thanks, Jon, for all the hard work you’re putting in on this.
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 06:47 PM
Alicia said:
Sue,
Very true plus it would probably be an added expense as well.
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 07:11 PM
Paul said:
Geez Jon, I mean captain..come on man you started this with your stinkin feet now were scaling the world in addition to detailed messages abouts colons. The ship has veered abit…not that it’s bad but..I do enjoy all the creative writing..could you refocus a little energy towards 10 in 10..remember discarding 10 pounds of blubber in 10 weeks. you know some discussion on HIT, HIIT, Heavyhands, Tabata vs. GXP, some nutriton stuff..I enjoy Tom V., Dave Draper, Clarence Bass etc etc…BUT I really (I think the others do too) enjoy your perspective on being healthy and fit.
Keep up the good work..but please no more whyne with that cheese..my gawd those feet and colons are killin me!
But of course you don’t have to do a ***(^%*^ thing..it is your blog.
Paul
Posted on Jan 19, 2006 08:59 PM
Greg said:
Sue,
The Friends of Bingo group on MSN.com was set up expressly for the purpose of “overflow” from the main forum (this one). You know, a place where we could all go and get off-topic and goofy, while leavingt the 10-in-10 forum to deal with the issues at hand.
It’s all set up, I did it from work one day and anyone can join. Only problem for me is, the IT nazis at work blocked off MSN access the next day so I can’t access it myself any more.
I’ve been hanging around the mpower forum, it’s pretty lively.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 07:34 AM
Lee said:
Greg:
Well actually I’ll be having a root canal treatment next week. Wanna come over and watch?
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 03:53 PM
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