Okay, Listen Up
This team needs to get their Jacko together. That means you, Bucko. That means anyone out there who’s doing the 10 thing.
I’m about to offend anyone with any moral sensibilities, so you’ve been warned. Don’t do a soccer mom on me and complain to the freakin’ FCC about a dirty show on TV because you’re too freakin’ stupid to change the channel and raise your kids to figure out right and wrong.
I’m off to a swell start.
Here’s the deal: I know what Jesus must have felt like. Well, except for that whole “raised from the dead” bit…and the “healing the blind” bit…and, yeah, the “fishy, fishy, I gots lots ‘o fishy now” bit.
Then there was that whole cross bit. Glad I don’t know about that.
Okay, I guess I don’t know what Jesus felt like entirely, but I do know what this part of his life must have felt like. At some point he’s like, “Okay…all you disciples…gather ye ‘round so I can kick the Jacko out of ye for not being somewhat self-sufficient and waiting on me to say something that makes the trees turn into lilies or the Jews turn into…well, Jews who don’t bathe. But I’m tired, fellas. I got a life, you know — in fact, I’m like GOD and stuff, or so some people say and who am I after all to argue the point? Oh, wait…if I’m God, then I guess I could…okay, I’ll get back to you on that one…anyway, I have a life, and I’d like a little reprieve now and again to recharge my miracle cells and take a bit of a wine and bread picnic break with Mary M. No, not like that movie with Willem Dafoe — just a friendly chat. Trust me…I’m God, or the Son of God, or at least a really good Jewish guy that those pesky Romans don’t care for. So, leave me ALONE, FOR MY SAKE!! Really. Start a club…or better yet…start a “religion”. Yeah. That will keep you pacified for, oh at least a few thousand years until you figure out that religions turn into cliques and I never cared for those…but that’s like eons down the timeline, so for now have at it.
“Oh…just don’t kill anyone.”
(You see, that last point? Yeah, that one…his endless run-on sentences and Tolstoyish dialog prior pretty much lost everyone and they ran off to start religions that kill people. Now you know why we’re still doing it today. So…there.)
Me and Big J have a few things in common. We both have brown hair, or so most artists believe. We both dig the simple things in life. We both hang out with hookers, although he for different reasons. We both talk alot, but I think I write more than he did (his religionizers took care of the writing bit…Paul was really good at it.) And, on top of that, we both love our fellow man.
Short of that, we have nothing in common except a strong desire for a freakin’ break, already. Shoo. Go away.
I love you guys, but come ON. I write for a living, ya know. And, I’m writing in overkill at the moment with Scale The World, new M-Power audios I’m re-recording, and two (count them, TWO) new e-books.
I did my 10 weeks, and I’m going to keep going…promise, swear, hope not to die, nor for some f—king idiotic reason place a sharp sewing tool into my cornea. I just need some rest.
Now, for the honest part.
I am so flattered you guys are on my blog. (See, only the really cool people read this far…I just weeded out the losers.) I will keep blogging, just not every day until some of this pressure is lifted. Then there’s the pain factor, which is getting a lot better. I also have a cheap slut now, and riding her is a priority (I’m referring to my convertible 270hp roadster that’s just too fun for words…what did you think I was referin…oh, right. Yeah. I get it, too. No, I’m like a social leper. Just ask Jan. A woman wouldn’t allow me to touch her if she was drowning in a pool of New Orleans streetwater.)
So, yeah — I’m not stopping. Just slowing down a bit. I will share the diet bit with you. In fact, I’ll give you the basics now:
Eat 1-2 apples prior to breakfast (15 minutes.) Eat 2 carrots prior to lunch (raw). Eat three stalks of celery prior to dinner, and no starch at night.
There. That’s the easiest diet in the world. Just do it, and eat regularly (sane) for the rest of your meals. No sugar water, either.
Make sure the fruit and veggies are organic. Don’t ask why, just do it. I’ll explain why later.
Now I really do sound like Jesus. {10}
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Comments (29)
Woody said:
I’m flying solo (been doing so for awhile anyways) and really don’t need a co-pilot. So you really bit off more than you could chew, so what, your human you admitted it (except for the Son of God references ). I know you can’t walk on water, heck you can barely walk on land. LOL
I’ll check back in 7 1/2 weeks and see if this blog still exists. All I know is I will have lost another 10-15 pounds of fat while maintaining or increasing in lean body mass.
It’s a no brainer. The hardest part is knowing you are worth the blood sweat and tears to get there and then knowing you owe it to yourself and others to stay there.
Peace out !
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 12:39 AM
Jon Benson said:
Oh, we’ll be here…like I keep saying, “I’m not going anywhere.”
I think I need bolder print.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 01:41 AM
Elizabeth said:
Dear Jon …hmmm, now that sounds familiar…anyway, didja ever consider delegating the daily writing? We don’t need you to be the Dear Abby of fat loss. We just want someplace to ask a few questions, get a few answers, offer assistance if possible. Some of the folks on here are fairly knowledgeable… some are even funny! Just a thought.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 05:10 AM
Greg said:
My (first) 10 Is Over.
Today marks the end of my first 10 in 10. It also marks the day I finally shed that last pesky lb. and made the 10-lb. loss mark. 10 more and I’m at my first goal weight.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 07:49 AM
Alyson said:
Geesh Bingo, you’re asking a lot ;) Just don’t stretch it into a forty-days-forty-nights kind of break. Then some REAL tempting distractions might get in your way, and you’d come back to find yer disciples drunk and sleeping it off in someone’s garden somewhere, pretending they don’t know who you are anymore, wantin’ you to ‘prove’ the whole 10-in-10 gospel all over again….
We know you’re not really superhuman (at least we suspect you’re not :). Do what you gotta do….it’s not like you left us without guidance. And 10’ers can switch gears to being Scalers for a bit. Scaling Tenors….anyone feeling the urge to, I don’t know, yodel?!
I’m down 3 from the end of the last 10. Workouts are focused, eats are clean. Bless me oh Bingo when yer done workin’ your miracles elsewhere :)
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 07:54 AM
Paul said:
Jon..i really thought you were super human..turns out your like the rest of us..no matter how much you enjoy your work a break is important now and then..sounds like you are in the overload mode..pace your self amigo. Sorry if I sound like your mother…..
In the mean time all you out there..check out Clarence Bass and his website..lots of good stuff there.
Paul
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 08:49 AM
Cherie said:
Jon,
one word…
THANKS!!!
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 10:06 AM
Kristy said:
Thanks for the diet tips. I can definitely see the reasoning behind the extra fruits and veggies before meals. Kinda dampens the appetite a little before scarfing and throws in some extra nutrition to boot. And it’s a good excuse to use up all those carrots in my fridge. Anyway, don’t work too hard. Blog when you can. I’m looking forward to Scale the World.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 10:24 AM
Jon Benson said:
To All:
That blog was sheer humor…really. Except for the bit about needing a break.
I just thought the Jesus bit was pretty damn funny. And no, I really don’t believe any of it…that’s the gag behing the 10 blog. Some people take the funny stuff too seriously.
Delegating writing — I have the ability, I believe, to have three or four authors on my MT license. Greg and Alyson, since I know you both, would be ideal choices for this, but I kinda need to keep the blog in the same format. If you guys are interested, email me — don’t blog me.
I also want this to be ‘my’ blog, meaning a reflection of personality and perspective and not a forum — different animals. However, I’d like to keep people motivated, which is more important. So…yeah, I’ll consider it.
Human like the rest of ya…
Congrats on all the success posts! This is great stuff.
I’m sure I’ll blog every day or every other day as soon as Scale The World is finished (still editing…)
Your beloved (once beloved?) Bingo
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 11:08 AM
Jon Benson said:
To Kristy;
Did you sign up for STW? It’s rolling big-time.
Scale The World
EVERYONE…SIGN UP. Don’t be silly…it’s free, and it’s cool.
Jon
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 11:09 AM
Jon Benson said:
To Paul:
Clarence’s site is really good — but he has the sense of humor that can only be equated to wet lettuce.
So, I have that going for me…which is nice.
Actually Clarence is a role model of mine. Just not very funny.
No.
Not funny at all.
Kinda UN-funny.
He’s an attorney…go figure.
For all those interested in great content, on what has to be one of the most hideously-designed sites on the planet (he’s not very pretty, either — I’m funny, pretty, and I have hair…god, there’s really no comparison here…):
The Clarence Bass Site
Just be warned…it’s not pretty. Neither is Clarence.
It’s not funny. Neither is Clarence.
It doesn’t have hair. Neither does Clarence.
Just very informative and helpful stuff from a guy who’s been lean longer than I’ve been alive.
Jon
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 11:40 AM
Lauren Tune said:
Oh your not busy!! Dont lie to all these people! LoL just kidding!! You better get all your work done soon cause guess whos coming?….you bestest friends in the whole wide world…Betty and I (and hes waiting for you to spank him) =) Thanks for the help the other night…I really needed it and im feeling alot better now!! YOUR AWESOME!!
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 12:51 PM
Kristy said:
Oh, I’m signed up. I just didn’t get my first email until after I blogged. I’ll have to sit and read it when I have time.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 02:28 PM
Lee said:
You’re still editing Scale the World???
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 03:52 PM
Kristy said:
Oh, hey Jon, instead of an apple, can I have an orange before breakfast? It’s just that oranges are in season and I have tree full of them in my backyard. So oranges are cheap and plentiful right now and I’d have to go out and buy apples. Not that I don’t like apples (the green ones anyway, I’m not a big fan of the red ones) it’s just that I’m a cheap bum with more oranges than my family and I can eat.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 04:46 PM
Paul said:
Oh come on Jon..forget this ebook stuff..retune..hard cover is the way to go… in Walden Books, Costco Etc.. now you be talkin..and I’m still waiting for the interview on Larry King with or with out your fat boy buddy (Andy Weil)..get off the Honda mentality..think huge. YOU out of all of them could do it…you are smooth.
You know if you were a personal friend of mine and I was’nt so afraid of a verbal tongue lashing here on the blog..I’d really give you a ration of s*&*)..you need it..the fan club is getting way to sugary sweet. Don’t be wimping on us about haveing to much going on in your life..I own two business’s and have kids that are active in just about everything there is to do. so..don’t be freaking out on us.
Paul
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 06:45 PM
Jon Benson said:
To Paul:
E-books rule. No middle-man. No worries. Profit until hard-copy rights. Etc.
“Honda” mentality…funny considering I went from a 911 to an S2000 and like the S better. Seriously, I could smoke a C2. The mentality I have is one of efficiency — whatever works, works.
Now, if you want to tell me you’ve never needed a break from your job in 4 years, let me know. The mere fact you have a family puts you 2 steps beyond my support base.
I think ye missed the humor of the blog, mate.
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 06:54 PM
Paul said:
Ah Ha you are there..no i got the humor just fine..like I said if you were closer and I new you in person I would give you a ration of you know what…
I had a number of emails with Tom V. regarding the hard copy books (prior to Fit Over 40) and he had the same point of view as yourself. I am not in the business so don’t have the facts..what I gather from you and Tom is that the market is much bigger for e books. Personally I like to pick up a real book with a cover and read it. Not sit in front of the monitor or print up 8 1/2 X 11 sheets and deal with that. But Fit Over 40 was so good…I’ve read it and refer to it often..that I put up with the inconvenince.
Hey fella..I own a Honda..Accord..you are talking with a practical man.
Paul
Posted on Jan 20, 2006 07:51 PM
Elisa said:
No worries on the break Jon. I think there are enough “colorful” folks on this blog to keep ourselves entertained.
Someone just finished the Disney marathon and was looking for a new goal. Try a century bike ride or doing a triathlon. There are quite a few if you go to active.com. It definitely gives you a goal and if you don’t swim (like me) it gives you a new skill to learn.
HOORAY on your marathon. I run my first in March. I am excited and a little nervous simultaneously……
See you guys around 10 in 10 and Scale the World….
Posted on Jan 22, 2006 09:28 AM
Elisa said:
Hi Jon, I have a question. There were a couple of trainers in my gym talking about 3,5-diiodothyronine (T2) in supplement form. They were talking about its fat burning capabilities, etc. They weren’t recommending it to clients but I had the feeling they probably would.
Being ever skeptical when it comes to supplementation I did a little research but didn’t find much about it except marketing fluff from the folks who produce it in various forms.
Do you know much about this supplement? I am not planning on using it. I try not to do anything that will aggravate my already sensitive thyroid but am very curious about it and what your thoughts are.
Posted on Jan 22, 2006 11:39 AM
Jon Benson said:
Elisa;
T2 is a subfraction of total thyroid. There are some people who believe T2 supplementation (or normalization) can benefit muscle mass, but there are no conclusive studies on T2 supplementation. In fact, I would think that T2 alone may be more dangerous than productive. You don’t want an excess of it if your T3 or T4 is low…and for most of us, that’s the case as we age.
Posted on Jan 22, 2006 01:10 PM
Dr Janet said:
Howday all,
I have a question that I’ve been mulling for a long time now. What is the better approach to being in a busy gym and finding your next exercise equipment busy: do you substitute another exercise for the same body part or do you wait to the equipment to be free? Some pieces of equpiment loan themselves for “working in” with another person but some really don’t without having to unload a bunch of plates for me (female) while a guy is trying for Olympic gold in the deadlift. Also, this situation cuts into preplanning workouts since one has to modifiy either the time inteval between exercises or the choice of exercise. I have been working out in the morning to avoid the crowds but this seems to happen to me about one every 3rd or 4th workout. Any suggestions?
Bingo, I’m enjoying Scale the World-genius!
Later, Seahawks are in the playoffs! Just one more game…
Posted on Jan 22, 2006 06:02 PM
Elizabeth said:
Elisa - I’m so phyched you’re doing a marathon!! You’ll have to let me know how you feel when you’re done. I signed up with Team In Training this past weekend and will be training for an Olympic distance Triathlon in May. Keeping in mind I don’t even own a bike and can barely swim - this should be interesting :-) I’d be glad to chat about your marathon offline if you’d like? Maybe assuage some fears? eclose@adelphia.net
Posted on Jan 23, 2006 06:05 AM
Greg said:
Dr. janet,
Great question, I’m looking forward to hearing the other tenors’ solutions.
As for me, I usually go off and work on a different muscle group, then come back when I’m done and hope nobody else grabbed the machine/bench.
The best solution has been to come to the gym at off times when it’s not so crowded (any time between 8 AM-4 PM on weekdays, any time before 9 AM on weekends).
I wish my local phytness center would slow down on the recruiting efforts, though—I’m finding it difficult to locate enough floor space to do dumbbell curls!
Posted on Jan 23, 2006 11:20 AM
Dee Renee said:
I metabolized and released 2.375 inches of excess body fat and my body fat percentage dropped 2 percent. I’ve got 5.5% to go to reach big goal destination.
Posted on Jan 23, 2006 02:06 PM
SUE said:
GOOD JOB DEE RENEE !!!
Posted on Jan 23, 2006 02:08 PM
Lee said:
Dr. Janet
I usually work out (or is it workout?) at lunchtime and there aren’t too many people. But if something is taken just when I want to use it (and this is an uncanny thing that seems to happen; two people in the entire gym and they both want to use the same machine at the same time!) I look for a similar machine or free weight exercise hitting the same muscle group. My thinking: that exercise is not holy - replacing it for this one set will not ruin my physique, my career, or my life! In fact, I like to challenge myself and see if I can come up with a movement that is similar, sometimes performing an exercise I haven’t done in a long time.
On the other hand, if I really am dead-set on doing that one exercise, I’ll do some abs until said equipment is free.
Posted on Jan 23, 2006 02:12 PM
Cherie said:
Dr. Janet,
You quite possibly have all the answers you need, but here’s mine…and I agree with you that it often isn’t practical to work in with a huge dude on a “plate” machine. So, when the person is BETWEEN sets, I ask ask how many sets they have left, and form a plan based off that information. They will tell you if someone else has dibs on the equipment, if not it “sorta” holds your place if people in the general vicinity have heard you ask it. Then, if they are almost done, I hang around and visualize my next set or if they have multiple sets to go I find something else to work the same muscle, or do something light to keep myself warmed up if I have my heart set on that equipment or do abs while waiting. But, I formulate a plan based on that information. BTW, for this plan to work, don’t ever talk to someone while they are lifting, don’t block their view of the mirror, and don’t get “chatty”.
Posted on Jan 23, 2006 02:47 PM
Dr Janet said:
Hi all,
Thanks for the responses to my question. I’ve pretty much done it all: wait, ask, go away, do another exercise. Recently, I’ve been performing a different exercise for the same body part and just moving on. I was curious as to what other people do and we all pretty much do the same! I like Lee’s response in that replacing one exercise with another is not going to ruin my life. I guess that I tend to be a bit dogmatic and, oh well, darn it, there’s a lot of people in the gym at the same time! I get to the gym at around 6:15 am b/c evenings have become too difficult to work around the hoards. And, my fitness center continually recruits more members (Greg, this must be an universal mantra among clubs). Ok, so, I need to back off the “I must workout in this particular order of exercises or else” mentality to “This is part of the adventure in getting leaner and how creative can I get and STILL have an enjoyable and productive workout”- ah, sounds much better.
Posted on Jan 23, 2006 04:05 PM
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