One of the two would work, right? ; )

Well, in reality folks, I have not fell off the planet. Rather, it seems the planet has slipped out from underneath my feet. The stars seem to have lost their place.

We’ve all been there. Perhaps some more than others.

During these times, in-between the bouts of frustration, anger, tears and doubt, I make time to applaud the courageous. You know who you are. Pat yourself on the back for me.

I admire those who trudge through muddy fields in continual hope of claiming beach-front property.

Are you following me? Good.

My most recent desire is to become a passionate stoic. Contradictory to the core — that’s me, baby. But, not really. Passion is my fuel, but I could use a bit of water in the tank from time to time.

The Stoic approaches life with almost pure reason. This is a bit much for an emotional guy like me, but I admire the discipline. And, above all, I admire balance.

Note: There’s a huge difference between a Stoic and someone who simply ignores their demons. Bad strategy. We’ve all done it. Some make a living out of it, or so it seems.

My call today is for each of you to confront and/or discover your real self. Heal it, embrace it, and move forward. If you have done this already, kudos to you! Send this blog entry to a friend who needs it. For the rest, perhaps you can use a bit of these tidbits of wisdom as fuel for the ultimate challenge —

Discovering how to love, know and express the real.

Pain Is A Part of Progress

It would be very easy to turn the last eight weeks of my life into a long pity party blog. But I refuse to do that. Like I said, we all have our Jacko to deal with. (Jacko, as in Michael Jackson…as in a more stringent word for ‘poo’.)

With all we can do for the body, there is so little we can do for the mind without external help. When our great processor breaks down or needs rebooting, our ever-so-critical frame of reference tends to slip away.

This is not true for the physical. It’s easy to look at ourselves and realize, “Hey, I need to shed some fat before I have to resort to those spandex waistlines again.” I’ve been there…more than once. But it’s so difficult to truly look inside one’s own psyche and say the equivalent.

Many find this an impossible task. Some have put up walls high and thick in order to protect themselves from even sensing the need to try. Others have fallen victim to age, disease, or decades of disempowering thought and now, in the twilight years, their minds betray them. Like a body ignored, their gray matter turns weak.

This is one of the hardest things for a loved one to witness.

Lest you think I am speaking of one person, let me clarify: I speak to many people. I speak to myself as well.

Couch Potatoes

I am a big fan of the couch — and no, I do not mean sitting on your own while watching soaps. I speak of the couch of inner discovery.

While I do not believe pschyotherapy can heal, I do believe a good therapist can turn an open mind inward to the point to where you can heal yourself.

Therefore, it is my contention that mental health be placed on the same pedestal of importance as physical health. Perhaps even more so.

We are becoming more comfortable with hiring personal trainers, reading nutrition books and fitness blogs, and even attending yoga classes. Who would have thought? Yet we have a long ways to go when it comes to the mental side of the mind/body connection.

Many still fear the couch.

Many still associate a psychologist with insanity.

Many fear exploring their true self. It’s messy in there.

Many are terrified of their flaws, warts and tattered exteriors.

Hence, many live shallow, unfulfilled lives. Tainted by fear. Governed by rules we created in unawakened states.

Time to wake up.

The alarm clock of life should never have a snooze button.

Let’s start with an easy one: No more living a pantomime life. No more expressing ourselves with trite and meaningless phrases in order to have the masses think we’re chipper and well.

Deal?

Here’s a simple challenge to test the waters: Next time someone asks you, “How’s it going?” when in an elevator or in passing, tell them the truth. Gauge in seconds how long it takes them to flee in panic.

They probably do not care how you are. They are merely reacting to life — not “pro-acting”.

They are mimes of emotional concern, unable to truly answer you. Perhaps they view it all as another form of entertainment. In this case, entertainment coming from the feel-good sensations that stem from “being nice”.

Screw “nice.”

BE REAL. Be functional. Actually care. Actually feel. Actually live.

Easy to write. Hard to apply. I know. I make no illusions of tossing stones without first noting that I live in a huge glass house. Granted, I have lived my life for the most part in a state of realism, but hey…I ask the same dumb questions myself.

This week, I will not ask unless I truly want to know. And, I will tell anyone who does ask “how I am” the bearish truth until they either cower in fear or give me the hug of my life. Or, if I know they ask without true concern, I may simply ignore them. Or light them on fire.

That “fire” idea is probably a bad one. I think there’s a law against that…isn’t there? At least in some states?

(Some of this is tongue-in-cheek. But there is truth in most humor.)

Know Thyself

Let this be a call to action for the New Year — a call to embrace the age-old proverb of true wisdom: To Know Thyself.

Such knowledge is not easy to acquire. It takes discipline. It takes money (at times.) It takes fearlessness. Courage. Honesty.

All the good stuff.

That false self…it’s a bear, isn’t it? Hard to shake once we spend years or even decades polishing the exterior.

But, as Brad Pitt said in the movie Fight Club, it is the equivalent of “polishing the brass on the Titanic.”

It has to come down.

Transparency and brutal self-honesty must conquer a false and limiting self.

I have some faith.

Faith that each of us can improve in this area. Faith that I can, dare I say “have” improved in this area.

But there are times for a dismissal of faith and an embrace of reason. Occasionally, one must also embrace a stern, cold, Dante-esque lack of hope. And, my friends, I have been faced with some of those times over the past few months.

Through it all, I have come away with Three Lessons:

Lesson One: Change and empower your mind before age robs you of the ability to do so.

Lesson Two: Seek to destroy the False Self and embrace, no matter how challenging, your True Self.

Lesson Three: In all things, seek Virtue. And, through all trials, find joy in what you have rather than angst over what you lack.

These lessons are taken from my own life, but they can apply to thousands, even millions of you who may be reading these words. They are not unidirectional — they are omni.

Most pain dies with time. Most wounds heal with the passing of the days. Some wounds will never heal, so one must then learn to appreciate the coolness of scars.

Either way, the world marches on.

We just don’t always have to be so damn chipper about it, unless that’s us being real.

This year, be as real as you can be. The world will be a better place. Everyone deserves to know the real, naked, honest YOU.

You deserve to be known fully. Make it happen.

The Role of Exercise in Healing

I have someone special in my life who has been a great role model for the benefits of consistent exercise, even during times of pain. Numerous studies point to the healing power of exercise on the mind, especially during times of grief.

After weeks of doing nothing, I have made my way back into the gym with a renewed dedication to improve my physique and my health this year. In fact…well, I’ll keep you in suspense. I have major changes planned.

Do something active. Walk. Skate. Dance. Just move. Trust me — I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it.

And Now, The Good News

I’ve been on a writing binge, folks. I am very excited about a new and improved Fit Over 40, the upcoming (no, really) 7 Minute Muscle, and a book that I hope will change the lives of millions of people in 2008. I’ll keep that one under wraps, but you will soon hear about it.

It’s not about fitness. It’s about truth…and some fun with numbers.

The lovely Janis Hauser, my co-author of The Every Other Day Diet and I have some exciting things in store for the New Year as well. The Every Other Day Diet has really taken off, empowering so many people with this new and “workable” approach to shedding weight for life. Jan and I will keep you all posted.

Finally, Clark Bartram and I have the new CoreAerobics™ 2 DVD In-Home Workout wrapped. Check it out. We’re very proud of what we put together and the results speak for themselves.

Some Words of Wisdom From Smarter Guys Than Me

Hopefully I’ve touched a few hearts and pricked a few minds out there with these words. The discerning among you will pick up the clues and sense some of the struggles, all of which are family-related. Privacy prevents details, but I assure you that I am healthy and fine. There are those close to me who are not.

More than a few will pray for me, which I welcome. Yet I urge you to pray for truth and joy in your life as well. We all need it — especially during this time of the year.

I wanted to leave you with the words of some great writers, from the Greeks to modern musicians. These words have inspired me over the past few months to keep going, keep searching, keep digging under the ruins until I either find what I seek, or discover the ultimate truth:

Perhaps the joy is in the digging.

Fear not: The world may have slipped out from under me for a while, but I have pretty good balance. I’ll find my footing again.

The days will not all be dark, for truth always the light of day.

Have a wonderful holiday season, and thank you all for you concerns, support, and readership.

Marcus Aurelius

“If you work at that which is before you, following right reason seriously, vigorously, calmly, without allowing anything else to distract you, but keeping your divine part pure, as if you were bound to give it back immediately; if you hold to this, expecting nothing, but satisfied to live now according to nature, speaking heroic truth in every word which you utter, you will live happy. And there is no man able to prevent this.”

“How ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything which happens in life!”

(I love that quote! Isn’t it the truth?)

Sting

I’ve been a fan of Sting since The Police. While most see his musical prowess, I feel his talent as a true and inspired poet has gone virtually unnoticed. It’s a shame, as I believe he is one of the greats of our time.

I have listened to this amazing song a hundred times. I never tire of its depth. It’s about a longing for union and appeasement, both of which I value now more than ever. Written in memory of his first wife, if I am not mistaken.

In classic Sting fashion, metaphors run rampant, yet with amazing eloquence.

Fortress Around Your Heart

Under the ruins of a walled city
Crumbling towers and beams of yellow light
No flags of truce, no cries of pity
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the field’s I’d known
I recognized the walls that I once made
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I’d laid

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Then I went off to fight some battle
That I’d invented inside my head
Away so long for years and years
You probably thought or even wished that I was dead
While the armies are all sleeping
Beneath the tattered flag we’d made
I had to stop in my track for fear
Of walking on the mines I’d laid

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

This prison has now become your home
A sentence you seem prepared to pay
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the fields where I’d once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I’d laid

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Seneca

“The point is, not how long you live, but how nobly you live.”

Henry David Thoreau

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.”

“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.”

William Halsey

“All the problems become smaller if you don’t dodge them, but confront them. Touch a thistle timidly, and it pricks you; grasp it boldly, its spines crumble.”

Miyazawa Kenji

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”

[jB]