Thanksgiving in The States, Part 1
Here’s a simple mantra for you to think about and dwell upon this entire week:
Thanksgiving sucks.
Well, except for family and football.
Not the act of ‘giving thanks’…that was a great idea. Not sure who came up with it, but I’m fairly sure that the original screenplay was blown out of proportion and contextually mauled, just like most of our history.
I mean, think about it: can you really see a bunch of Native Americans sitting around waiting for Molly McPuritan to pop her Thanksgiving Day turkey on her wooden table, made from the trees that said Indians carved messages to their gods and deceased loved ones on, while little Danny and little White Buffalo Pooping In Grass hold hands and lead the whole kitten kaboodle in a rousing rendition of Kumbaya?
I have a hard time with that one. So, if you don’t mind, here’s my take on how it really went down:
Donald McPuritan ventured into NA (Native American) land because he was starving to death. Coming from a background of, “Slave, gather me thy food and put it hither upon my plate,” the concept of shooting one’s din-din was still probably a bit foreign. I’m pretty sure Donald just pictured the face of any pagan on the targeted beast and found this helpful during his pursuits. However, since the pagans were much larger than turkeys, this gave Donald a little bit of a learning curve to overcome.
During this “overcoming period”, or “OP”, Mr. McPuritan was damn hungry. So, off he went into the land of the wicked ungodly invaders (read: people who were there before he was) to ask them to dinner (read: beg for food, hunting tips and, perhaps his very scalp.)
Some really cool Indian dude, probably that same guy in The Doors that followed Jim Morrison around in visions, said, “Ugh…what the hell.” Note: since Indians didn’t have a concept of “hell” until said Puritans taught them to denounce their false gods, we’ll just pretend our friend was up on modern-day slang. You know…as if I was to say, “I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger!” You’d think I listen to urban rap, when in fact I throw rocks at it.
Continuing…”Me thinks this poor skinny white guy need food. Me thinks helping him hunt turkey rather than killing us may prove advantageous to keeping our land, even though me have no concept of ownership. Ugh…not looking good…but Great Spirit will smite my family unless I give this cracker a bird.”
And so the Indians sought to diffuse terrorist activities upon their land by giving away their GNP — the turkey, and food in general — to a bunch of starving folk who would eventually, in God’s mercy, slay most all of them and the buffalo to boot.
Or, something like that.
Now that I’ve put “Thanksgiving” in to a less “Rated G” format and more into the category of, “This is how it probably went down, get the —— over it”, perhaps you can approach this well-intentioned albeit maligned holiday with a bit more sanity and not consume enough food to feed Brazil in the name of tradition.
Once again, you can thank me for imparting such wisdom and wit and buy my stuff. Just find the thing you want the most on the right sidebar, get off the fence, and help me conquer the world.
By the way…just you WAIT until December 22nd rolls around. Oh, my my…could we have BASHED the meaning of that holiday any more thoroughly? Could we? I’m sure Jesus is really appreciating the US economic boon as kiddos learn to worship a guy whose name is SATAN, merely with one letter reversed. You never caught that, did you? “Satan”…”Santa”! He’s also dressed in RED…whawhaWHAT??…and talks to animals? Yeah, nifty twist there Beelzebub, but I’m not fallin’ for it, ya evil bastard.
That’s why you’re here…to learn cool stuff like that, laugh a bit at ourselves, wonder if you will indeed need to attend confession for reading my musings…and yes, to get leaner by 1 pound per week.
So, here’s what you do:
First, plan ahead, beginning today. Simply begin eating a bit less and training a bit more today — just don’t buy into the myth that you can do this every day without stalling your metabolism.
Second, write out what you want to eat on Thursday — and then how much you’re dedicated to eating. If you include some dessert, fine…I just want to know how much.
Carry this list with you to Thanksgiving lunch or dinner…hide it if you have to. Then, follow it to the letter.
If Grandma Perkins gives you some leftovers to carry home, do the right thing�find a guy on the street corner without food, or a family without much in the way of anything, and give it to them. This is not only a really cool act of “real” thanksgiving (giving from a state of abundance), but it also prevents you from gorging for 4 more days.
DO IT. REALLY. DO IT.
I will do it…if I even have leftovers. I probably won’t, as I have a small family and do not celebrate holidays well. I don’t play well with others, either. Go figure.
If you start right here, you’ll be well on your way to enjoying Thanksgiving day for what we’ve bastardized the meaning into: a time to spend with your family giving thanks for the things you have.
Check it: we really don’t have much of a need for giving “thanks” for food in America, except for the fact that most of us have enough to feed 20 people. Family, on the other hand, is what many starving nations have in abundance, so it makes mores sense to give thanks for having “any” family at all. Food will come and then go into the toilet while hopefully making its way into your mitochondria. Family sticks around, and you rarely flush them down the drain. So, one last piece of advice from an only child with only one surviving relative — give thanks by spending more time with your infinitely precious family and less time giving thanks at the table. Deal?
Bingo The Preacher out… {10}
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Comments (12)
Lee said:
I get off easy on this one…Thanksgiving isn’t celebrated here - pumpkin pies are unheard of - turkey stuffing - huh??? The downside… I don’t see most of my family more than once in two years (I suppose that could be a blessing in some peoples’ eyes!). Everyone over there enjoy T-day (and yes eat some pumpkin pie for me, minus the crust of course!)
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 03:36 PM
Rany said:
Jon,
I’ll be working on my list tonight… and plan to give all of our leftovers to my mother-in-law! (a devilish trick!)
Oh and I won’t forget to give thanks for my family and all I have… and thanks to you Jon for M-Power and all the good it is doing me and countless others!!
Randy
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 03:40 PM
anna said:
Jon
Just came back from the gym and had a great workout.
I also talked to the staff and asked them if they are doing the body fat calculations and they told me “no” because apparently those calculations aren’t very accurate and blah, blah, blah… I almost felt myself saying but Jon Benson says, and Tom Venuto says.. What do you think? Oops sorry I do know what yout think..:)
Have a great day!!
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 03:53 PM
anna said:
sorry, me again
I just read the whole story on santa and all and no wonder my little one is scared of that guy in red - he will not go near him. So, maybe there is some “truth” in what you are saying because you know the little ones are really intuitive little people - Now that is a scary thought.
I really use to enjoy santa - and now I am going to have to think twice - thanks jon :)!
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 04:05 PM
Clare said:
Thanksgiving? When’s that? And how do you cope with Christmas so close? At least you get to overindulge in Winter, laying out the huge hot roast for Christmas here 100 in the shade is patently ridiculous. My mother ,an immigrant from England converted to salads as she stepped off the boat, yet a lot of the locals stick to the roast. Amazing. Weigh in day and I’ve discarded(see Jon I was listening, my subconscious won’t be looking for that ‘lost’ weight) 8.5kg(18.7 lbs) I’d dance if I weren’t still a bit grey from a weeks illness. Off to hospital in a couple of hours, aint that just the place for a cheery recovery (not) Any ideas for entertaining apparently well 6 yo s in hospital, performable whilst wearing a drip greatly appreciated. Try to drop in every so often next 2 weeks.
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 04:06 PM
Kristy said:
I have my thanksgiving all planned out. A slice of turkey breast (no skin, a little gravy), small scoop of stuffing, a little mashed potatoes, some roasted butternut squash, lots of anything green on the table, a small slice of apple pie and a heaping serving of cardio on the side. I’m eating at my parents house so if there are any leftovers, I won’t have to find someone to give them to. I’ll probably keep some of the leftover turkey since it’s always good to have some good lowfat protien in the house.
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 04:14 PM
Kenny said:
In the spirit of “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family”, not to mention I too have only a sister and my daughter…oh and my ex…but she doesn’t usually hang with us, I’ll be with friends.
And then, I’ll probably watch them eat too much, and of course drink way too much….maybe I can be designated driver….sheesh! ! !
I am however, thankful I can be that!
peace!
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 05:32 PM
Tera said:
I’ve always wanted a dog (currently have two cats due to a transient lifestyle), and have been playing with the name “Tomanawas” as all my pets currently have Pacific Northwest Native American names based on my favorite places growing up. However, after reading your blog and laughing myself into a serious sideache, I think he’ll have to be called Little White Buffalo Pooping In Grass.
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 05:38 PM
Jeanne said:
Bingo and all,
I’m cooking for 12 family members. My family eats healthy food 98% of the time. So, I will have organic turkey, green beens cooked with coconut oil,sliced yams .. along with the traditional not so healthy items. Mostly, I love being with my beautiful family and thanking my God for His incredible blessings! (The football is great too!)
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 08:51 PM
Janet said:
I saw a very scary sight this morning - me!
There I was, proud of myself for hitting the gym most mornings and eating intelligently and feeling my clothes moving much more easily even if the scale declines to co-operate and I had a brilliant idea!
Spouse, will you please grab the digital camera while I shrug out of this gear and you take photos of the slowly streamlining me? Your belly is definitely disappearing, he encourages me. We can do this regularly to chart progress, he enthuses.
I leapt to the computer and flicked in the camera’s memory card. Photos downloaded faster than I used to scoff pizza, sigh.
Whoa there, who is this fat miserable looking old bag? And where did I go? I must still be trapped inside, carving my way out at the rate of one pound a week.
Funny how often a mirror “reflects” what you want to see whereas my trusty Nikon shows no such favouritism, forcibly reminding me that for some years now I really WAS a consummate consumer. Funny thing is, I think I am looking forward to the next set of photos …
Thanks again Jon for letting me trot beside you in this quest, I obviously need the exercise *giggle*.
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 09:15 PM
Gabe said:
Another dose of testosterone, here.
Greetings everyone, first time blogger. I’ve been glued to my screen since yesterday reading all these entries. You are all profoundly amazing. Keep up the daily focus and drive, and if need be kick it into high gear as Tryptophan Day nears…
JB - Been reading the stuff you, Venuto, Brink, and Finn have had out for a couple years now. I’ve applied pieces here and there but I think M-Power may encapsulate everything I’m looking for and am strongly considering it. Any additional consideration to arranging a trial for 10ers as mentioned in Day 30 entry 2’s response to Tina?
Posted on Nov 21, 2005 09:21 PM
Jon Benson said:
To All:
Thank you for the input. Sounds like you guys and gals have your strategies all mapped out for the week. Rock. Now, a few bits for a few posters.
Clare
That question is out of my league…but I trust that others will chime in. Just know you’ll be missed. : )
Janet
Just know you’re doing the right thing…and you WILL know that come picture download number 2, 3, 4, etc.
I have the same experience with cameras. I ‘always’ look better than my shots to the mirror and to myself (this is in ‘bad’ shape and in ‘good’ shape, fyi.) Sometimes I recommend people just stick to clothes…they cannot lie, where a ‘picture’ needs interpretation.
Here’s what I mean: I look now at some of my professional shots and wonder, “why did you ever cringe at THAT?” But I did. Seriously. I’ve walked away from shoots thinking one thing, seeing another, and seeing yet ‘another’ a month or a year later.
So, yeah…there’s truth to the ‘camera not lying’, but there’s also truth to it capturing only a temporary image of you encased in a given light without full dimension.
My advice is to do what I did last time — take pics, but seal them in an envelope for 4-8 weeks. When the clothes thing is rocking, pull them out. No matter how ‘bad’ you think you look, you will KNOW you look better and better each shot and you didn’t have to go through the shock of the first. Now, if the shock of the first HELPS, then do it! It’s all individual tastes.
Gabe
Happy to have some test among the estrogen! Thanks for the kind words, and just remember that your 10 kicks in now, not from the start (always like to remind folks…)
I just now emailed my programming team a “can we do this” bit about the free trial. The only concern I had was the fact that we ‘briefly’ (as in a month or so) sold 4-week packages, so that would be a betrayal to my clients if I gave it away for free. 6 weeks is out due to the fact it’s part of a currently popular package. Anything under 4 weeks just doesn’t feel like much of a “trial” to me…although I’ve had people listen to ‘one’ audio from a friend and say it was enough. Still, it’s 4 weeks or nada in my mind’s eye. Open to thoughts.
So…here’s the plan: I’ll find out how many people purchased that 4-week package and then (if they didn’t upgrade to the full system, which a lot do) give them 2 additional weeks.
I’ll keep you posted…
…or you can just jump in. : )
I was with Tom last week in NYC. He told me that one other guy is now trying to compete with M-Power, which we all expected would eventually happen. M-Power is a ‘new idea’ in that it combines the coaching and the fitness in a way that aids both the serious fitness person and the personal development person equally, and more-so than either expects.
“If you worried, I’d say you have nothing to worry about.” That was the jest of the response. : )
I don’t worry…needless emotion.
Honestly, if someone can pull something off that’s in the same vein and have it work for people, God bless ‘em! The more people benefit, the better. But…yeah. Not an easy ‘team’ of stuff to assemble. Very specific coverage, and I don’t know if anyone wants to task themselves with producing 48 weeks worth of quality audios. : ) I was asking, “Jon, is there ANYTHING left to cover here?” quite a bit…and there was.
There won’t be a sequel for a LONG time, that’s for sure. I know how Tony (Robbins) felt after Personal Power now…PPII, PPIII…just too much on the first series.
Why go into all of this? Because I wanted you to know exactly how proud we are of this product, but much more-so proud of the impact it’s having on thousands of people. I have a goal to make that millions of people, and I’m more than happy to “give some away” to make that happen. We’ve lowered the price point from where we tested it (and it worked) by $50, for example, to allow more people access. That $50 was 100% profit; nothing was removed.
Sure, I make my living from this, and I joke (sorta) all the time in 10 about it, although I’ve yet to “kill anyone” for not buying something. (Heh…you never know…you never know….) My only concern is protecting existing clientele and making sure I don’t cross ‘them’. You’ll find that we’re VERY client-oriented and hands-on for an internet team (ask anyone here that’s in M-Power.)
I get long-winded when discussing it because it’s like my ‘baby’…so much effort continues to go into the project, and none of us are ever ‘satisfied’ unless we keep pushing the bar higher. Example: I have a chance of getting to interview Lance Armstrong. This just came up; may not happen, but if it does, I’ll combine two audios into one and make a ‘new’ audio just for the occasion. I’ve done that twice now. It’s worth the effort as I intend (like Robbins) to have a product that stays the test of time.
Thanks for reading…low blood sugar you know. Must. Eat. Now. Fading…fas…..
t
Posted on Nov 22, 2005 01:02 AM
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